Bait and Tackle

It took a month, but I was finally able to catch up with Willow again. It was a lot of fun.

He doesn't seem to be much of texter, rarely replying. But when he does reply he seems to stick around for a half-decent conversation length. I will admit that I've taken to baiting him a bit, just seeing what it takes to initiate a response from him when he's being quiet. Wednesday's bait? 'What would you say if I told you I was into anal fisting?'. That worked.

It ended up that he was going to be free for a few hours that evening so we arranged to meet up when he finished work. Since I knew we didn't have much time i decided not to mess around with movies etc, but to show him my toy collection. This was something he had expressed definite interest in right from the beginning. The topic came up when we were first talking online and again when we were in bed the first time.

When Willow arrived at my place I took him straight into my bedroom. Perched on the edge of the bed I pulled out my drawers off toys and began to tell him about them. Encouraging him to touch and feel them he was amazed at the size of them (I do tend to favour larger toys).

Eventually I ran out of things to say and I will admit I went a bit quiet. I knew due him being quite shy/nervous etc that I was going to have to start things off which isn't really in my nature. But I did it. I sat the toys on the floor, lent across the gap between us and I kissed him. I of course started grinning.

We played around for a bit, just kissing and touching before Willow started to have a more purposeful go at removing my breasts from my bra. Being the nice person I am, I helped him out and removed my top, his clothes and my jeans followed soon after.

I had asked him at one point if he enjoyed recieving oral. He said yes. I really enjoy doing this but had been way to nervous to when we first met. After fooling around naked for a bit, Willlow asked me what I wanted to do next. I knew what he was saying but I went all shy and replied with 'I'm not sure'.

We continued kissing for a little while longer before my hand went down to his cock. My mouth followed.

I will remind you all here, that this was only the second guys penis I have ever had in my mouth. I couldn't help but compare the two, they felt so different yet similar. The pre-cum of the two tasted different, though actual skin of the two tasted fairly similar and of course the size and shape varied between the two.  But what really bemused me was the different way the two cocks moved.

Mr Good-Company's penis at times seemed to do dances of it's own accord, moving and jerking around to it's own private tune. Willow's on the other hand, didn't do this. It instead moved in a much more subtle way inside my mouth. As I sucked on him, using my hand on the base and my mouth everywhere else I could feel him become thicker and harder. It was the strangest thing. I did actually notice this a little the first time we played, though since my hand is less sensitive then my mouth I was only able to feel it right before he came. I was never able to tell with Mr Good-Company, knowing only by the sounds he made and his hands on my head that he was close.

As I sucked Willow, myself laying on my side and him kneeling in front of me, he began to use a dildo in me. As I continued to feel him change inside my mouth he told me that I was going to make him cum. Stopping my oral affections I asked him if he wanted to try sex. He said yes.

I continued playing with him using my hands as I rolled the condom onto his cock. Kissing, we lay back down on the bed and Willow slid himself inside of me. I'm not being critical, but after a little while it became apparent that missionary just wasn't going to work for me, so I asked him if I could go on top. With myself on top things worked much better. He slid in easy and stayed in. I began to move and it began to feel really good. I really wanted to make Willow cum and it wasn't too long before he told me that was indeed going to happen.

After he came I stayed where I was just enjoying the feeling of having him inside of me. When I had my breath back I climbed of and lay down beside him. He asked again if he could use a dildo on me. Passing him my favourite purple dildo he slid it inside of me, my hand guiding him until the speed was just right. As he did this I began to play with myself, rubbing my clit as Willow slid the dildo in and out. Every so often he would suck my nipples in a very gentle manner, just the barest of touches. As I continued to rub myself I began to cum, gripping his shoulder hard as I did so.

It was a good one and apparently I couldn't stop grinning afterwards as Willow asked what I was smiling about it. I'm just a pretty smiley person though I think. As we dressed we talked about tattoos, myself still undecided on what I want and if I want any and Willow already having several. I like tattoos, especially when people actually have them represent something important. This is one reason I have none yet. I am yet to find something so important that I want it drawn on my body for life.

Saying goodbye to Willow that night I told him that I didn't want to have to wait a month to see him again and he agreed. I will admit that I haven't heard anything from his since that night, but I do have my reasons for suspecting I will see and hear from him again. I waited a month when others told me to give up, I have no doubt that I can wait again.

Wondering what Willow's response to 'What would you say if I told you I was into anal fisting' was? I believe it was along the lines of 'Ha ha ha! No way is your hand going anywhere near my ass'. I must say I'm of a similar opinion.

Long Time No See

I am, without any doubt, frustrated. I was supposed to meet Willow for the second time the other night, two and half weeks after we'd first met. It didn't happen.

I was stood up. I never knew what time exactly he was supposed to arrive and neither did he as he had to play netball first. But at around 9pm I received a text saying he'd just arrived home. So I of course expected that he'd show up after however long it takes a guy to shower and eat. An hour later I'd heard nothing so I sent a text to which I received no reply. An hour after that I rang him and was cut off. Then I lost my temper.

I sent a text saying 'I have apparently been stood up and now you've hung up on me. Nice'. Then I finally received an explanation and several apologies. Apparently friends had been at home when he arrived, so he hadn't been able to come over as planned. As far as I'm concerned that's a reasonable excuse, what annoys me is the fact that he didn't think to tell me what was going on.

I have forgiven him (I think) for several reasons:

• He does still seem to be a genuinely nice guy.
• It was a reasonable excuse.
• I'm running out of guys online.
• I'm a nice person and he is rather attractive.
• He stayed in bed with me for ages after sex and I really want to do that again.

Now I admit that some of those probably aren't the best reasons for choosing to forgive someone but I tried my best. We're still trying to find a make-up date to replace Monday, but damn the guy has a hell of a lot of extra-curricular activities going on! If it's meant to be anything, be it friends with benefits or more then I guess it will happen. I'm a naturally impatient person of that I have no doubt, I'm just hoping that in this case waiting really pays off.

Houston, We have a Problem

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been posting as much as I used too. There is the obvious reason for this of course (lack of play partner) but there are also a few other thing going on in the background that you may or may not be aware of. Since some of you readers have been so lovely, I thought I'd fill you in.

I've been a mild dose of anti depressants for about 12 months now. These aren't for depression though, they are instead to help me deal with my anxiety. But things haven't been going so well lately. As you know I lost my job, my play partner, I gained a lot of weight and I also started a new job whose utter monotony (depending on the department I'm working in) really has me feeling down at times. This new job also makes me realise how much I miss my old job, but I think as I settle in it's starting to improve, I hope.

But back to these mild anti depressants. Today after a discussion with my Doctor, we decided to up the dose. We're really hoping that this will improve my mood in general but also my motivation in regards to food and exercise. In the last 12 months I have gained 20kgs. If I keep going the way I am I will be back at my heaviest (159kgs) within 6 months. I know that once I'm back there I'll just give up. I'm close to giving up now to be honest, hence the decision to up my medication.

Twelve months ago I ate relatively healthy, I went to the gym everyday without fail. I had no friends, but I was the happiest I had ever been. In contrast, today I have some wonderful friends, but I am utterly miserable and regaining my anti social ways. I dread the waking hours. I don't want to go to the gym, even with my friends. Once upon a time the trainers at the gym used to actually tell me to take a break.

I want to be like I was twelve months ago. I don't want to be sitting at home on the couch in tears, alone and stuffing my face with McDonalds and chocolate. I know I can change my behaviours. I have to. the alternative is to continue slowly killing myself.

Just Whinging

The title says it all really. The whinge topic of the day you ask? Boys. Seriously, what else was it going to be about.

It's been two and a half weeks now since I first met Willow in person.  Since then we have spoke on the phone once, organising meet up number two only for him to cancel. We have exchanged numerous texts, even naughty pics.

However, we're still trying to organise meet up number two. The issue? He's always busy (insert sad face). He told me he would probably be able to meet up today (Sunday) or this coming Wednesday. On Friday he said he didn't know what his plans were for the weekend but that he might be away. I had expected him to let me know on Saturday what was going to happen. Nothing.

I have sent texts, tried to call but I'm not receiving any response. I'm honestly not sure what to think. Needless to say I'm starting to become just a tad frustrated here. So far I like the guy but surely arranging a second date shouldn't be this hard!

That's all I have to say really. I'm frustrated and just as confused about him as I ever was. If he hadn't been such a nice guy when I met him in person I have no doubt that I would have figure 'screw him' by now. I consider myself to be a really decent person, if a little bit impatient when I want something. I have tried my best to wait for him, I am really trying to be patient. I may be just my thinking, but surely nearly three weeks of waiting for a second date would test even the most patient of people?

Messing Around

I'm not one to mess around with people. I've been on the receiving end of it to often in the past to ever do it to another. It has been a week since I went on that date with Willow. I know I only just put the post up but like I said, I don't mess around.

In the past week all I have recieved from him is a few texts, one saying that he does want to meet up again, all the rest saying versions of 'I'm busy' when I've texted him or tried to call. I'm okay with people being busy, sometimes even I forget to reply to texts. But if I'm interested in someone I can always find a few spare seconds to send a text.

So I just deleted him from the chat site and sent one last text. That's all I'm going to do. If he really is interested then he knows how to find me and is welcome to do so. If he's not interested then I just wish he'd told me from the start. If, for whatever reason he was embarrassed or shy about talking to me again, then I really wish he wasn't. He was sweet. I would have liked the opportunity to know him better.

The Fifth

Approximately a week ago now, I had a date. Willow was to be the fifth person I had met from the online dating site I seem to live on. As far as this date was concerned, I was to be the veteran with myself being the first person Willow had met from online. I was nervous as all freaking hell.

Willow and I had only had a couple of online chats before I managed to coerce a date from him. He seemed both genuinely shy and a bit inexperienced with dating (not that I can talk). Our date was to be watching DVD's at my place. Nice and simple.

He was quite worried that he would do something wrong on this date, which I assured him was quite impossible. As far as I'm concerned first dates are supposed to be  filled with awkward moments and periods of silence as neither participant quite knows the other person well enough to prevent this. As such, anything 'wrong' is really quite normal.

On the day of the date Willow and I kept in contact, both of us nervous and wondering what the hell would happen later. At approximately 8pm (on time) Willow arrived at my place and we settled down on the couch to watch 'Horrible Bosses'.

Throughout the movie both of us (I assume) was very aware of the other. We talked a bit and Willow cautiously began to hold my hand, eventually putting his are behind my shoulders. Several times he asked me if I was nervous. I didn't feel nervous but he said I was shaking quite a lot.This would have been from a combination of anxiety medication and nerves. Due to the medication I don't really notice I'm nervous, but my regular shakes do increase.

There were several times during the movie when I thought Willow might kiss me, but he didn't. When the movie finished I put on another DVD, the second 'Johnny English' movie. We didn't see the end or even the middle of it.

We were sitting a bit closer on my horrible couch by then and he once again asked if I was nervous and he made that little move that made him seem like he was going to kiss me. This time I made sure he did. After that, I couldn't stop grinning.

It was so nice to be kissing again, I love the kind of physical contact that only comes from a sexy guy. After making out on the couch for a bit we ended up in my bedroom. It was awkward, enjoyable and so much fun all at once.

I'm not going to lie, we did have a bit of a problem when it came to the condom, but there are many ways around that type of thing. Once again, I couldn't stop grinning. It was quite a shame when he had to leave.

However, by the end of the next day and right up until now, I had stopped grinning. he wasn't replying to my text messages. He had said he didn't do hook ups and he had also said that he wanted to see me again, so why the silence? I tried calling him a couple of times but he didn't answer, responding with texts saying he was busy right at that moment. He hasn't deleted my contact from the dating site, he just wasn't talking any more.

Overall, Willow is/was a very sweet guy. No one has ever been that sweet and gentle to me. I really enjoyed it and it made me feel kind of special. I do want to see him again, I'd like to know him better. But even if things don't work out in the way of a relationship I'd be more then happy to have him as a fuck buddy.

So to end this post (which I know a certain people have been waiting for), I'm going to say that I had a great time as I have with nearly all the dates I've been on. Though unfortunately as with nearly all the dates I've been on I've been left feeling rejected and to add something new, I've been left feeling confused. So the question remains, does Willow want to see me again?

Never the End, Always a New Beginning

Over a week had gone by before I contacted Mr Good-Company after our play session. Call it what you will, but something just didn't 'feel right'. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up again sometime. His answer was as I had expected, 'I think I've met someone'.

Though for me this was a bit disappointing, I will admit that I wasn't overly surprised. I had probably been expecting it really. What with him starting uni this year I had sort of figured that he was bound to meet someone. This was just a little bit sooner than I had expected.

But I surprised myself. I cried for a little bit I will admit, but I was happy for him. Everyone wants someone special in their life and I was happy that he thought he may have found someone. 

I was also jealous though. I wanted someone special for me too. While Mr Good-Company obviously wasn't that someone special for me, he was someone I could play with in the meantime.

I think, for me, that has been the hardest part. Redefining our friendship. So much of it was based on sex and what we had done and wanted to do. Wether it be playing in person or online, that was all a no-go now. What on earth would we talk about? Could we still be friends?

One of the things I do regret is the timing. Just after this happened I drowned my phone, losing all the pictures Mr Good-Company had sent me and I them. Those pictures were important to me. Reminders of fun times and such. I asked Mr Good-Company if he still had them and could resend them. He said that he no longer had them. I'm not sure if I believe him or not, but I do understand that he might just not want to send another girl pictures of his genitals whilst he has a new love interest. I mourn those pictures though.

What this all made me not regret however, was convincing Mr Good-Company to stay for one last round when he visited me. I remember it as fun sex. Just light hearted fun and a perfect way to bring that version of our friend ship to an end. Had he not stayed I believe I would have been left frustrated and wanting more. I don't think this would have helped my ability to accept his non-single status at all.

Now it is finished. I had a fantastic time with Mr Good-Company over the past twelve months and know I will never forget any of it. I learnt so much about sex, good times and most importantly myself. I regret none of it and hope only for the success of this much newer reincarnation of our friendship.

Good luck with your romance Mr Good-Company. May we both find the happiness we seek in this new year.