Long Time No See

I am, without any doubt, frustrated. I was supposed to meet Willow for the second time the other night, two and half weeks after we'd first met. It didn't happen.

I was stood up. I never knew what time exactly he was supposed to arrive and neither did he as he had to play netball first. But at around 9pm I received a text saying he'd just arrived home. So I of course expected that he'd show up after however long it takes a guy to shower and eat. An hour later I'd heard nothing so I sent a text to which I received no reply. An hour after that I rang him and was cut off. Then I lost my temper.

I sent a text saying 'I have apparently been stood up and now you've hung up on me. Nice'. Then I finally received an explanation and several apologies. Apparently friends had been at home when he arrived, so he hadn't been able to come over as planned. As far as I'm concerned that's a reasonable excuse, what annoys me is the fact that he didn't think to tell me what was going on.

I have forgiven him (I think) for several reasons:

• He does still seem to be a genuinely nice guy.
• It was a reasonable excuse.
• I'm running out of guys online.
• I'm a nice person and he is rather attractive.
• He stayed in bed with me for ages after sex and I really want to do that again.

Now I admit that some of those probably aren't the best reasons for choosing to forgive someone but I tried my best. We're still trying to find a make-up date to replace Monday, but damn the guy has a hell of a lot of extra-curricular activities going on! If it's meant to be anything, be it friends with benefits or more then I guess it will happen. I'm a naturally impatient person of that I have no doubt, I'm just hoping that in this case waiting really pays off.

Houston, We have a Problem

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been posting as much as I used too. There is the obvious reason for this of course (lack of play partner) but there are also a few other thing going on in the background that you may or may not be aware of. Since some of you readers have been so lovely, I thought I'd fill you in.

I've been a mild dose of anti depressants for about 12 months now. These aren't for depression though, they are instead to help me deal with my anxiety. But things haven't been going so well lately. As you know I lost my job, my play partner, I gained a lot of weight and I also started a new job whose utter monotony (depending on the department I'm working in) really has me feeling down at times. This new job also makes me realise how much I miss my old job, but I think as I settle in it's starting to improve, I hope.

But back to these mild anti depressants. Today after a discussion with my Doctor, we decided to up the dose. We're really hoping that this will improve my mood in general but also my motivation in regards to food and exercise. In the last 12 months I have gained 20kgs. If I keep going the way I am I will be back at my heaviest (159kgs) within 6 months. I know that once I'm back there I'll just give up. I'm close to giving up now to be honest, hence the decision to up my medication.

Twelve months ago I ate relatively healthy, I went to the gym everyday without fail. I had no friends, but I was the happiest I had ever been. In contrast, today I have some wonderful friends, but I am utterly miserable and regaining my anti social ways. I dread the waking hours. I don't want to go to the gym, even with my friends. Once upon a time the trainers at the gym used to actually tell me to take a break.

I want to be like I was twelve months ago. I don't want to be sitting at home on the couch in tears, alone and stuffing my face with McDonalds and chocolate. I know I can change my behaviours. I have to. the alternative is to continue slowly killing myself.

Just Whinging

The title says it all really. The whinge topic of the day you ask? Boys. Seriously, what else was it going to be about.

It's been two and a half weeks now since I first met Willow in person.  Since then we have spoke on the phone once, organising meet up number two only for him to cancel. We have exchanged numerous texts, even naughty pics.

However, we're still trying to organise meet up number two. The issue? He's always busy (insert sad face). He told me he would probably be able to meet up today (Sunday) or this coming Wednesday. On Friday he said he didn't know what his plans were for the weekend but that he might be away. I had expected him to let me know on Saturday what was going to happen. Nothing.

I have sent texts, tried to call but I'm not receiving any response. I'm honestly not sure what to think. Needless to say I'm starting to become just a tad frustrated here. So far I like the guy but surely arranging a second date shouldn't be this hard!

That's all I have to say really. I'm frustrated and just as confused about him as I ever was. If he hadn't been such a nice guy when I met him in person I have no doubt that I would have figure 'screw him' by now. I consider myself to be a really decent person, if a little bit impatient when I want something. I have tried my best to wait for him, I am really trying to be patient. I may be just my thinking, but surely nearly three weeks of waiting for a second date would test even the most patient of people?

Messing Around

I'm not one to mess around with people. I've been on the receiving end of it to often in the past to ever do it to another. It has been a week since I went on that date with Willow. I know I only just put the post up but like I said, I don't mess around.

In the past week all I have recieved from him is a few texts, one saying that he does want to meet up again, all the rest saying versions of 'I'm busy' when I've texted him or tried to call. I'm okay with people being busy, sometimes even I forget to reply to texts. But if I'm interested in someone I can always find a few spare seconds to send a text.

So I just deleted him from the chat site and sent one last text. That's all I'm going to do. If he really is interested then he knows how to find me and is welcome to do so. If he's not interested then I just wish he'd told me from the start. If, for whatever reason he was embarrassed or shy about talking to me again, then I really wish he wasn't. He was sweet. I would have liked the opportunity to know him better.

The Fifth

Approximately a week ago now, I had a date. Willow was to be the fifth person I had met from the online dating site I seem to live on. As far as this date was concerned, I was to be the veteran with myself being the first person Willow had met from online. I was nervous as all freaking hell.

Willow and I had only had a couple of online chats before I managed to coerce a date from him. He seemed both genuinely shy and a bit inexperienced with dating (not that I can talk). Our date was to be watching DVD's at my place. Nice and simple.

He was quite worried that he would do something wrong on this date, which I assured him was quite impossible. As far as I'm concerned first dates are supposed to be  filled with awkward moments and periods of silence as neither participant quite knows the other person well enough to prevent this. As such, anything 'wrong' is really quite normal.

On the day of the date Willow and I kept in contact, both of us nervous and wondering what the hell would happen later. At approximately 8pm (on time) Willow arrived at my place and we settled down on the couch to watch 'Horrible Bosses'.

Throughout the movie both of us (I assume) was very aware of the other. We talked a bit and Willow cautiously began to hold my hand, eventually putting his are behind my shoulders. Several times he asked me if I was nervous. I didn't feel nervous but he said I was shaking quite a lot.This would have been from a combination of anxiety medication and nerves. Due to the medication I don't really notice I'm nervous, but my regular shakes do increase.

There were several times during the movie when I thought Willow might kiss me, but he didn't. When the movie finished I put on another DVD, the second 'Johnny English' movie. We didn't see the end or even the middle of it.

We were sitting a bit closer on my horrible couch by then and he once again asked if I was nervous and he made that little move that made him seem like he was going to kiss me. This time I made sure he did. After that, I couldn't stop grinning.

It was so nice to be kissing again, I love the kind of physical contact that only comes from a sexy guy. After making out on the couch for a bit we ended up in my bedroom. It was awkward, enjoyable and so much fun all at once.

I'm not going to lie, we did have a bit of a problem when it came to the condom, but there are many ways around that type of thing. Once again, I couldn't stop grinning. It was quite a shame when he had to leave.

However, by the end of the next day and right up until now, I had stopped grinning. he wasn't replying to my text messages. He had said he didn't do hook ups and he had also said that he wanted to see me again, so why the silence? I tried calling him a couple of times but he didn't answer, responding with texts saying he was busy right at that moment. He hasn't deleted my contact from the dating site, he just wasn't talking any more.

Overall, Willow is/was a very sweet guy. No one has ever been that sweet and gentle to me. I really enjoyed it and it made me feel kind of special. I do want to see him again, I'd like to know him better. But even if things don't work out in the way of a relationship I'd be more then happy to have him as a fuck buddy.

So to end this post (which I know a certain people have been waiting for), I'm going to say that I had a great time as I have with nearly all the dates I've been on. Though unfortunately as with nearly all the dates I've been on I've been left feeling rejected and to add something new, I've been left feeling confused. So the question remains, does Willow want to see me again?

Never the End, Always a New Beginning

Over a week had gone by before I contacted Mr Good-Company after our play session. Call it what you will, but something just didn't 'feel right'. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up again sometime. His answer was as I had expected, 'I think I've met someone'.

Though for me this was a bit disappointing, I will admit that I wasn't overly surprised. I had probably been expecting it really. What with him starting uni this year I had sort of figured that he was bound to meet someone. This was just a little bit sooner than I had expected.

But I surprised myself. I cried for a little bit I will admit, but I was happy for him. Everyone wants someone special in their life and I was happy that he thought he may have found someone. 

I was also jealous though. I wanted someone special for me too. While Mr Good-Company obviously wasn't that someone special for me, he was someone I could play with in the meantime.

I think, for me, that has been the hardest part. Redefining our friendship. So much of it was based on sex and what we had done and wanted to do. Wether it be playing in person or online, that was all a no-go now. What on earth would we talk about? Could we still be friends?

One of the things I do regret is the timing. Just after this happened I drowned my phone, losing all the pictures Mr Good-Company had sent me and I them. Those pictures were important to me. Reminders of fun times and such. I asked Mr Good-Company if he still had them and could resend them. He said that he no longer had them. I'm not sure if I believe him or not, but I do understand that he might just not want to send another girl pictures of his genitals whilst he has a new love interest. I mourn those pictures though.

What this all made me not regret however, was convincing Mr Good-Company to stay for one last round when he visited me. I remember it as fun sex. Just light hearted fun and a perfect way to bring that version of our friend ship to an end. Had he not stayed I believe I would have been left frustrated and wanting more. I don't think this would have helped my ability to accept his non-single status at all.

Now it is finished. I had a fantastic time with Mr Good-Company over the past twelve months and know I will never forget any of it. I learnt so much about sex, good times and most importantly myself. I regret none of it and hope only for the success of this much newer reincarnation of our friendship.

Good luck with your romance Mr Good-Company. May we both find the happiness we seek in this new year.

Double the Bed, Double the Action

This post is a bit late I will admit, but these things happen. About two weeks ago now, I had a play date with Mr Good-Company. This time he came to my place and I bought a new bed for the occasion, my single bed not really being adequate for the anticipated activities.

I was of course nervous in the lead up to his arrival but later that afternoon a phone call from my boss put those thoughts out of my mind altogether. Our shop was closing, we were all losing our jobs. But I believe I've already told that story.

When Mr Good-Company arrived we stood around in my lounge room for a bit before he asked to see my new bed. We sat there in my room for a bit before he said 'Come here'. And I did.

I admit I can't clearly recall the order of events any more, what with them not being fresh in my mind, but I do remember thoroughly enjoying myself. I remember some very good oral. I remember straddling Mr Good-Company and rubbing my clit against his cock, coming over and over again before he suggested I fuck him. I rode him and came, and rode him and came. Finally bringing Mr Good-Company to orgasm.

There is just something about coming with another person, them making me come and I them, that I love so much. It is this more than my own orgasm where I draw my satisfaction from. To me, mutual pleasure is so much more fulfilling then any masturbatory session.

After putting our clothes back on Mr Good-Company and I nerded it up a bit before dinner, talking about the old favourite, Doctor Who. After dinner and some more nerd time, we headed back to the bedroom and started to make out. It would now be my turn to tie Mr Good-Company up.

After fiddling around with the rope for a little bit, working out how best to tie it without having to cut it (it was a nice bit of rope), I finally had Mr Good-Company tied to the four corners of the bed. He already looked like he was enjoying himself.

I kissed him, once again straddled him and began to rub myself against his cock. I love doing this, I come so easily from it. After I had my orgasm I put my oral skills to use. Sucking him, licking him, feeling him thrust his hips towards my mouth.

Following this I backed of, kissing him some more whilst stroking his cock, feeling the wetness of my saliva and his precum on his cock. I then went back rubbing myself against him. I repeated these moves several times until, when I was once again rubbing myself against his cock, he begged me to fuck him. 

What I enjoyed most about this was seeing in his face how much he did want to fuck me. Because I couldn't help myself  I asked 'You sure?'

"Yes. Fuck me!'

I untied him, letting him put a condom on before I began to ride him. Once again coming on his cock. Immediately after this Mr Good-Company pushed me off him and onto my back. He quickly positioned himself between my legs and began to fuck me so damn hard and fast that i again found myself coming, only a few seconds before he did.

I held him there afterwards, just feeling his cock jerking inside of me. I'd always wanted to do that but foor some reason never had. I quite enjoyed the feeling of his cock moving inside me that way. It caused me to grind myself against his pelvis wanting more. But that round, enough was enough.

We went to sleep then, after some silly discussion about the buzzing of mosquitoes. I woke up a couple of hours later and my hands went wandering. They found the bulge in Mr Good-Company shorts and began to stroke it through the thin fabric, feeling it harden. My hands then began to search for the waistband of those shorts, finding their way to the fun held beneath the fabric of those shorts.

Mr Good-Company woke then and his hand began to wander, finding their way to my pants, to the hem of my shirt, to the nipples underneath that shirt. 

This was to be a quick session. We rubbed and stroked each other, kissing in the dark before Mr Good-Company climbed on top of me, rubbing my clit with his cock before straddling my chest. He reached to my bedside cabinet for a little bullet vibe I have affectionately nicknamed 'Supervibe'. He turned it on and found his way to my clit. Not quite hitting the right spot, I took it from him an began to put it to some very good use.

Mr Good-Company was still straddling my chest, teasing and pinching my nipples. As he stroked his cock I began to moan as only Supervibe can cause me to do. Orgasming again and again as Mr Good-Company continued to rub himself. I listened to him, amongst the sounds of my moans and Supervibe I could hear he was close.

We had discussed facials before and this was to be it. As my orgasms continued he began to come, squirting over my mouth and cheeks. 

I had always wondered what I would do at this moment, but I didn't even have to think about it. I licked the tip of his cock as he came, licked the cum from my lip and continued to flick the tip of his cock with my tongue. He tasted so good.

We went back to sleep after that. I tried to repeat my wandering hands manoeuvre when I again woke later on. I felt him grow hard and reached into his shorts only to be stopped by a mumbled 'To sore.' Accepting this, I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Mr Good-Company was ready to leave first thing the next morning. Watching him dress I asked if he was still sore. He was. I didn't like this answer, but there really wasn't much I could do about it. 

As I sat on the edge of the bed I pulled him in for a goodbye kiss, wrapping my legs around him as he leant over me. I didn't want him to go just yet. Unfortunately ,Mr Good-Company knows my weakness. He tickled me! Turning me into a squirming pile of giggles, I let him go.

We walked into the lounge room and I requested another kiss. This time I had a better hold of him. I wouldn't let him go and just kept kissing him each time he made a move to break away.

'What are you going to do, chase me around the room?'

'Nope. I'm going to push you backwards onto that chair and then I'm going to straddle you.'

I don't know how, but somehow that is exactly what happened. I straddled him. Unable to help myself I was rubbing against his groin. I kept trying to take his shirt off but he just wouldn't let me. Each time I tried to pull it over his head he would lean back against the chair and say 'Nope'. My response was of course 'Yes' as I tried as hard as I could to pull him forward and drag the shirt of at the same time. After what felt like several minutes I had his shirt off. 

I was finding this all very entertaining, but at the same time hoping like all hell he wouldn't just stand and leave. I was more than ready by this stage. I wanted him.

'You're just horny' 

I was still rubbing myself against him. His hands were on breasts.

'So are you, I can feel you'. 

I continued to kiss him, trying to figure out if I could keep rubbing against him and undo his belt buckle at the same time.

'You just like rubbing against me'.

'Who can blame me?'

I finally got that damn belt buckle undone and began to work on the zipper. It was so hard to do in the position I was in! I finally undid his jeans and giggled.

'I've never undone a guys pants before'.

With that Mr Good-Company laughed. Pushing me off him and we went back into the bedroom. Quickly taking of our clothes I straddled him and began rubbing against him in earnest. Such was my level of arousal I found myself coming quicker and better than normal.

'Why don't you do that for real?'

So I reached for the condoms, which of course had fallen out of reach during the night. As Mr Good-Company put one on I knelt there, rocking on my heels. I wanted sex. I really wanted sex. As soon as he had that condom on I was back on him. I believe I came several times before picking up the pace for Mr Good-Company. I don't believe I have ever rode him as hard as I did that morning.

When he finally came I just lay on top of his chest, exhausted.

Putting our clothes back on it really was time for Mr Good-Company to leave. We kissed once more in the bedroom before making our way to the front door. As he went to open it I pulled him in for one more kiss. This time it really was a goodbye kiss and I made the most of it, not knowing when or if I would see him again.

As it turns out I saw him half an hour later. After he left I found his sunglasses so I sent him a text and he came back for them. This time it was just a quick goodbye as friends. A brief exchange and a 'See ya later'. Though I was of course wondering if I would ever actually see him again.

I must admit, even now I'm rather pleased in my efforts of convincing Mr Good-Company to stay for that last round. It was the kind of silly fun I really enjoy with him. All in all, it was a memorable night for all the right reasons.