Being a Grumpy Bugger

Well tonight I have turned into a little bit of a grumpy bugger. I'm mainly in a shit because there is no-one online for me to talk to, people aren't replying to my text messages and the people who I'm talking to on the chat site are just being way to full on for my liking.

These 'full-on' people really quite annoy me. They're not the ones who are asking me the colour of my knickers (white), they're the ones who want to instantly be best friends or even more. They instantly want to know my real name, phone number and to be added to my Facebook.

I'm not sure if this is actually the way the whole online dating thing is supposed to work, but I'm just not that comfortable giving out details like that to someone who is a complete stranger. Realistically, some of these people would be decent people but some of them obviously wouldn't be. It's the ones who aren't decent that concern me. Why should I even consider giving out so many details. Quite simply, I don't even consider it. My theory, whether it's accurate or not, is that the decent people will wait until I'm comfortable enough to give them my details.

My other bitch topic for this evening is a guy I'm going to call Surfie-Bloke. He is in love with his own dick. I mean more than most guys seem to be. Surfie-Bloke just goes on and on about the size (11 inches) and asking questions such as 'Could you take it?', Would you be able to fit the whole thing down your throat?', 'Is it the biggest you've ever seen?'. This becomes very annoying, very quickly.

He then follows on by almost jumping into the category of 'full-on', by asking if I would be his girlfriend. I would respond to something he's said with something like 'Well by the sounds of it you just want someone for a casual fuck'. With which he respond s with something along the lines of 'No, I want a girlfriend'. It then becomes rather funny when I then suggest that perhaps bragging about his penis size isn't the best way to go about it and he seems to then become a little bit offended and stop talking altogether. At least for the rest of the evening that is.

Well I think that's all I have to say for tonight. I'm still a grumpy bugger but I have a full day of work to look forward to tomorrow. No, that wasn't sarcasm. I do actually like my job. I'm also approaching the last days of having a flatmate. My best mate Anita has been staying with me for the last six weeks. It's been a hilarious time of burnt tea-towels, finishing each others sentences and having her do my dishes for me (that means they don't have chance to grow mould like they do when I'm in charge). She's taking me out for dinner tomorrow night so I'm sure we'll have a hilarious time with lots of weird looks from our neighbouring diners as is the usual occurrence when we go out anywhere. Well now I'm slightly cheerier. Smile!

Pleasure and Pain

Whilst bored recently, I decided to do one of those entirely unreliable but enjoyable online quizzes that supposedly tell you everything about yourself except for the hair colour of your first born child. For some reason I had been expecting to score highly in the area of submissive, yet the results (below) came back telling me that I am some what of a masochist.

My Quiz Results

This 'discovery' didn't really surprise me that much. I have always enjoyed a little bit of pain. I don't derive sexual pleasure from it, but things like having needle, and I suppose even my self-harming, have fallen into the classification of 'fun'. Another reason I had suspected my masochistic tendencies was how much I enjoyed the biting from Mr Good-Company and the bruises resulting from this action. 

Last night I again paid Mr Good-Company a visit. I had been horny as hell for the past several days and was becoming a little bored with playing with myself. To say I was rather glad Mr Good-Company responded to my text messages would be an understatement.

After nerding it up a bit over Doctor Who we moved into the bedroom, myself grabbing my toys out of my bag on the way.

After kissing me and teasing my nipples through my bra, Mr Good-Company stopped, pulled my jeans and knickers off and proceeded to do a very thorough job of going down on me. It felt so good, the feel of his tongue moving against my pussy and the sight of his head between my legs had me so turned on, it was fantastic.

When he had finished between my legs Mr Good-Company proceeded to wipe my wetness from his face before removing his clothes and the rest of mine. I have a vague memory of him biting my neck during this process, I've a bruise there anyway that would have been caused only one way.

After a bit more making out, Mr Good-Company placed himself on top of me with his cock in my mouth whilst he again went down on me. At some point he stopped this and began to rub my dildo against me before sliding it inside of me. After he had done this Mr Good-Company added my vibrator to the mix, rubbing it against my clit. Meanwhile, I was sucking his cock, though due to the fact I was a bit distracted, I have my doubts about how decent a job I was doing.

I was so close to coming this entire time it was starting to drive me absolutely crazy. I then felt the vibe moving and a sharp sort of pain as Mr Good-Company slowly moved the vibe alongside the dildo inside of me. I have tried before on my own to have both my vibrator and dildo inside of me, but due to the pain it was not something I had ever been able to fully achieve.

I'm not going to lie, for a moment there it was quite painful, but at the same time I enjoyed it a lot and came soon after the vibe was inserted. It actually took me a few moments to regain my breath afterwards and  it's actually not to often that happens.

Once my brain had returned itself to working order I was able to focus on Mr Good-Company a bit more. He began by rubbing his cock between my breasts before asking me to go down on him again. I'm still a little bit surprised by how much I enjoy doing this, but I suppose to quote the old cliché 'life is full of surprises'.

After doing this for a while Mr Good-Company suggested that we do what I had mentioned in a text I had sent earlier that day, 'I want you to rub your cock against my clit and make me come...'. I straddled Mr Good-Company and began to rub my clit against his cock. I love how this feels. Unlike masturbation It is a sensation that I can't achieve by myself and it just feels so damn good.

After having come, I again proceeded to go down on Mr Good-Company, sucking and licking his cock until he came in my mouth. I, of course swallowed.

Even now, over 24 hours later, my poor pussy still feels a little bit sore. If someone had told me 6 months ago I would be enjoying the sensation of someone having caused me even a small amount of physical pain I would have told them something along the line of 'Hell no'. But I did enjoy it. I'm not even ashamed of that fact. If this is who I am and being hurt (to some extent) is something that I enjoy, then it's something that I can live with quite easily. I must also admit, that even though I am still feeling a little bit bruised, I am quite keen to give 'the two toys in one' deal ago by myself later on.

My pink and purple friends. Both are about 15cm long. The purple one is nearly 5cm wide and the pink vibe is 2.5cm wide.

Putting it all out there

I'm probably a little overdue in putting this post up but over a month ago now, Mr Good-Company suggested that I join the fetish version of myspace/facebook. This site turned out to be exactly pretty what it says it is, which really is myspace/facebook for kinky people. If you can name the kink you can probably find somebody on the site who shares it and even pictures. I spent 4 hours one night just reading the glossary. I never knew that there were so many types of whips!

The main difference between this site and myspace/facebook is that it's a little bit harder to find friends. Obviously you are probably not going to be looking for people you know in real life but more people with you interests and the only way to do this is to read through many a profile.

I started looking for friends by stalking (wrong word, I know) the introductions forum for a little while, looking for other newbies like me who might be interested in chat. This site is worldwide so people are there from everywhere so who know where the person you end up talking to could be from.

I had some luck with my strategy and found some really nice girls to talk to. The funny thing I find is that often the conversations on the fetish site are much cleaner than those I find on the normal chat site. I assume that this is because on the fetish site everyone is already putting everything about them completely out there eg. sexual preferences, fetishes, interests and naughty pics, unlike the normal chat site where a lot of people seem to have their own sneaky agenda.

I'm also receiving quite a few friendship requests myself. I assume the reason people are able to find me is due to my participation in 'group' games such as Fuck or Pass and Word association. A lot of the attention also seems to be on the pics I've put up. I started off with just the booby shot I showed in a previous post, then I upgraded to one of me in a mask (I do want to be anonymous after all) and then Mr Good-Company suggested I bring my camera next time I went to visit him.

I was a little bit nervous about bringing the camera but I figured that since it was my camera I could delete everything if I really wanted to. Mr Good-Company tied me to the bed, one limb to each corner. He began to play with me, every now and then pausing to take a photograph. Partway through he covered my eyes. It was such a turn on having no idea what he was going to do next!

I was kind of surprised at how much I enjoyed being photographed. I expected them to all to turn out absolutely repulsive but some of them, especially the one where Mr Good-Company's cock makes an appearance, really do turn me on.

At first I wasn't sure whether or not I should really take the risk of putting these photographs online. Everything you read today specifically warns against this sort of thing. But I figured 'What the hell'. I mean I really cant be at all identified in the photos and as for the one where ID is vaguely possible I just put a blurred patch over my head. Problem solved.

So far I am definitely having fun with this new site. It certainly provides a bit of light entertainment when compared to the drudgery that is sifting through some of the profiles on the other chat site.

Translation Required

Well it does appear that I became slightly intoxicated last night. I think my fast desent into drunkeness can probably be blamed not just on alcohol but instead on the mix of alcohole AND my anxiety medication. Since I find my drunken spelling kind of funny I have decided to leave the original post up but also include a translation, just to make it a little bit easier to read...


'I Can't Think of a Witty Title'
I want to have SEX! It's not fucking fair! What did i do to deserve too be 21 year old virgin? Why does no-one care about me enough to want me? I always thought I'd give it up too the first guy who wanted it. Why am I being so fucking prissy about it? Mr Good-Company gets to have sex. Why can't I just go out there and meet people?

I wonder what fucked my head up and made me the way I am? Do I  have some higher level then normal of autistic tendencies? Is that the reason I'm not a really social person even  though I want to be? No-one is interested in me, even Mr Good-Company hardly wants to see me now. REJECTED! Bah humbug, I'm a scrooge keeping it all to myself.

I shall survive! I Shall survive! I am the Jesintator!


'Hands in the air for supergirl. She buys sex toys
Hands in the air for supergirl. She's a bit of alright' 
-Supergirl, Kate Miller-Heidke


SUPERGIRL!!!

Why don't I let him fuck me? Maybe it woud be easier to just get it over with? I always thought I would hire a prostitute if I'm still a virgin at 30 and is certainly looking like I will be and this would sure be cheaper. My foot keeps getting nailed by pointy metal insided my couch. It hurts. Wow, bad spelling!

'If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?
If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?
So many things that I would do if I had my way with you'

-Hate fuck, The Bravery

I want to be held down and fucked hard. I want to scream so loudly! I am better than second best! The Couch wants me to end it. She doesn't say, but she has her ways of getting her opinion across. She's probably right but I don't want to! I'm enjoying the good bits to much. This doesn't happen to me every day.

'No excuses I've got anyway, heh
I'll satisfy your every need
And I'll know you'll satisfy me, oh my-my-my my-my'

-Let's Spend the Night Together, David Bowie

I want to get fucked! Why can't I cant give it up. All my logical senses tell me i would regret it, but how do they know. Logic is a bitch.

Well that took a while to correct. There you go, a snapshot of me whilst drunk. I think there are a couple of things in there that I need to explain a little bit further but I'm going to write a separate post for those. Hope this was at least mildly entertaining...

I cnat think of a wittty titel

I want tto have SEXXX!!!!!! its not fukinn fair! What di i do to deserv 2 b 21 year old vigin?? Why do es know one car about me enuf to want me?? I alwasys thiourt i d give it up 2 the first gi whio wanted it. Y am ibein so fucin prissy bout it? mr GCC gets to have sexd. y cant i jus go out there and meet peple?

i wondr wat fucked mt hed up an mad me rhe way ii am? do I  JAVE SOME HIGER LEVLE THEN NORMAL oif aiutistic tendasies? is rthat the reason i mniot a reaaly socil perrson evn  tho i want 2 b? no 1 itrested in moi evben mr gc hrdly wans se me now.REEVCTED!!! Bah humbu im  a scrooge kepin it all tomysel

i shal syuvive! i Shall survive! I amm the jesintator!!! 'Hands in the air for supergirl. She buys sex toys
Hands in the air for supergirl. She's a bit of alright' SUPAGIRLK!!!

Y dont i let him fuc me? maybe it woud be easiert o just get it iover withj? i alweusa thort i would higher aan pros if i asitll a virgian at 30 and is certin lookin m like i will be an this would sur b ceeper. myb foot keeps getin naillsed by pointyb metal insided my couch. its hurts. wowowww bad spoeklking!

If I put my hands around your wrists, would you fight them?
If I put my fingers in your mouth, would you bite them?
So many things that I would do if I had my way with you 

I wnna be heldd down and fuucked hard. i wnat to s ccrream so loudly! I am betttyer than second bestrr! cousch wantass me to end it she dkont sauy but she has hertr wayuss of gettin her opinion across. she prnbly riught but in dont want to! im enjoyint the good sbit toom much. This doesn't happen to me every day

No excuses I've got anyway, heh
I'll satisfy your every need
And I'll know you'll satisfy me, oh my-my-my my-my
 IIIIIIIIII wannnnnaaaa gett fuccckkked!!!!!whyub can ti cant it uop. all my logicakl sences  tell me i woulkd regret it  but how dop they kno. loginc ios a bitch.

I Don't Want to Think About It...

About a week ago now I had an appointment with The Couch (my psychologist). Of late, since my anxiety issues are mainly under control thanks to meds (though I do seem to have regressed into a hornier version of my 12 year old self) we have mainly been speaking about the changes in my life, specifically the effect of my 40kg weight loss and my arrangement with Mr Good-Company.

The main effect of my weight loss has been a large gain in my self-confidence, especially when around people I already know as my anxiety does kick in a bit when I'm around new people. Then she links some of that back to the physical attention I have recieved from Mr Good-Company which makes me feel, at times, for the first time ever, kinda sexy and that perhaps I'm not that bad looking after all.

The main thing that we talk about in regards to Mr Good-Company is the arrangement itself. Unfortunately for me she does point out the things that I don't really want to think about.

She asks me about the friendship side of the arrangement, which is one of the things that I'm still unsure of at times. The Couch wonders why it is that if we are 'friends' why I am never invited to go out with Mr Good-Company and his other friends. She asks why it is that the only time we ever meet in person it is never to just hang out but specifically for the physical side of things. I must admit, I try not to think about those questions.

Her next question took me completely by surprise, it came from talking about the fact that Mr Good-Company has feeling for someone else, but not for me. 'Do you think that you're worthy of having someone care about and even love you?'.

I answered 'yes' and at the time I was sure of my answer. But unfortunately, from time to time, snippets of doubt do worm their way into my thoughts.

Realastically I know there is nothing wrong with myself as a person. I'm friendly (I try to be anyway), I would do anything to help a friend even at inconvenience to myself. I try to help charities when I can, I'm a blood donor and I hate it when I hurt another, be it for reason of necessity or accident.

But then the doubt creeps in. Someone once told me that I can come across as an absolute bitch when people first meet me because I can be so shy that I seem up-myself, is this still the case?. Do the odd things I do or say freak people out at times? Perhaps there is nothing sexy about me? Perhaps people still just look at me and see a 6ft tall, obese giant? Do I accidentally offend people? I really don't mean to.

The other topic we've talked about is me moving away from this town. We long ago came to the realisation that my options for meeting people are very limited here since I'm not into the whole pub/club thing. That said, perhaps I would be if I had friends I could go out with? This town does have very limited social options fro people my age who aren't really into the whole drinking thing

But how different would thing be in Melbourne? I would still have no friends, therefore no-one to go out with I would also completely out of my comfort zone (though that could perhaps be a good thing in the long run). Moving would also take away the safety net of doctors that I've built up here, as well as move me further away from my family whom I am slowly becoming closer to as I become older and the come to terms with the fact that I am no longer a child, but an adult. How would I manage that?

All in all, these are the things I don't want to think about. They scare me, they upset me and make me wish for things that aren't possible. Despite my forced optimism, I'm not one for believing in fairy-tale endings.

V is for Vibrator

I once again found myself visiting a particular brand of online store, I had of course wussed out on visiting the 'real' and more local sex shop.

I had absolutely no idea what to buy! I was obviously aware that there would be a lot of products to choose from, but Christ! Did I want a little bullet, the basic vibrator or did I want something that looked rather like some sort of medieval torture device? I asked Mr Good-Company for his opinion and he suggested that I keep it simple to begin with and then upgrade. Simple is good for another reason too, it's cheap!

I expected to find myself waiting several weeks for the arrival of my new toy which is what happened when I last brought something from this website. But surprise, surprise! Only a couple of days later there was a parcel in my mail box which could only be one thing...

I was as eager as a kid at Christmas to rush inside and open my self-given gift. So that's exactly what I did!

I will admit to a fair amount of giggling when I first turned on my pink vibe, unfortunately it was several days before I could take my new toy on a test run (wrong time of the month). When I was able to play once more my giggling resumed but I quickly pulled myself together and went off to the bedroom to take it for a test drive.

I began with the vibrator on its lowest setting and began to rub it against my clit. It was the oddest sensation to begin with, it just didn’t feel natural (well obviously) in the same way my fingers did. But despite this my body quickly began to respond. I slowly turned the vibe to its highest setting for some more intense clitoral stimulation.

I began to experience the little tremors and jerky movements that are the indicators of something pretty damn good to come. By this stage I was desperately wanting something inside of me and my fingers just weren’t going to do it so out came my first toy, the purple dildo.

I was so close to coming already that I didn’t need to do much, I just slowly moved my purple friend in and out of me, putting pressure on just the right spot whilst continuing to rub my clit with the vibe.

Ohhhhhhh….Sometimes I am so great full for the fact that I live alone. It was the most intense orgasm I’d had in sometime. When my brain regained consciousness, my thoughts instantly turned to the episode of Sex in the City when Charlotte purchases herself a Rabbit vibe and nearly becomes a recluse…it was that good.

Later that night Mr Good-Company came over for a visit. After the enjoyable preliminaries of stripping off and the rubbing of clit and cock together, my new toy came out of the cupboard.

At that point I had not tried using the vibe internally, but after spending several moments on my clit that’s exactly where it went.

It felt really narrow when compared to my dildo (which it is) and again the vibrations felt very odd. But it once again soon became an intensely pleasurable experience.

This is actually amusing to me, but I cannot clearly remember all stages of that evening. But here are the bits that I have a very clear memory of:

·        The vibe buzzing away inside of me whilst I went down on MR Good-Company.

·        Mr Good-Company saying ‘This is what else you can do with a vibe’ using it on his balls whilst I was kind of rubbing my pussy against his leg.

·        The vibe then going back inside of me whilst I continued rubbing against Mr Good-Companies leg.

The best bit I can recall of the evening was then going into the 69 position still with the vibe inside me. However I was fairly quickly distracted from my cock-sucking activities by the sensations being brought about by both the vibe and Mr Good-Company's mouth. I fairly quickly found myself coming.

As far as I can recall this was the first time that I had come while receiving oral and so far it does seem to be sticking in my memory. Writing this is turning me on even further than I already was when I began!

I continued to play with my toy as regularly as I could for about a week after that evening, with many happy nights/mornings/afternoons spent buzzing away. Unfortunatly this story has a sad ending for my new friend. Despite my vibes claims of being waterproof it was unable to withstand the dampness that permeates my bedroom and its battery connection soon rusted and began to disintegrate, leaving my poor vibe utterly lifeless.

I am now perusing the online store in search of a new vibe. Mr Good-Company says that he will take my shy self to the local sex shop but in the meantime, I am off to continue my search for a new friend.