The Day My Life Changed

Day my Roughly 12 months ago, on I believe the 28th of December, someone accepted a contact request I had sent out from the dating site I had signed up to the previous day. This was first person to accept any of my requests. What followed was a conversation lasting several hours with someone calling himself  'Good-Company'.

It was a halting conversation at first. Neither of us (I assume) really knew what to talk about. Our first topic ended up being the movie 'Tron: Legacy' which he had recently seen. We eventually moved onto other topics, the local hunt for misbehaving P-Platers, this towns over enthusiasm  for heritage listing houses beyond repair.

The conversation, to be the first of many, ended with Good-Company saying 'Wel'' have to catch up when I get back into town.'

I wasn't to sure about this, the idea of actually meeting any of these online people hadn't actually crossed my mind at this point. 'Yeah maybe. We'll see what happens.'

I still laugh at that. 'We'll see what happens.' What happened? Well as I'm sure you can gather this was my to be my first encounter with the infamous Mr Good-Company.

A few days later, after many more hours of online conversations, Mr Good-Company and I met. Later that night I had my first kiss. A day later I recieved oral for the first time. A month later I gave my first blow job. After several eventful months I found myself losing my virginity to Mr Good-Company.

Somehow, and surprisingly quickly, Mr Good-Company had become a very important friend to me. Without even meaning to he had helped raise my self confidence and helped me to see the attractiveness in my overweight body. Even now I feel the effect of his attention then. The self-confidence I have now compared to twelve months ago still amazes me. I know I've said it many a time, but I will never be able to thank Mr Good-Company enough for helping me find that self-confidence.

I never expected when Mr Good-Company began chatting with me, that he would still be a part of my life twelve months on. His part in my life is greatly reduced now due to distance, but I still consider him a very important friend.

He's coming down here to visit in a couple of weeks. I've had to buy a 'grown-up' bed. Up until now I've only had a single bed. I must say that I'm rather excited about the prospect, not just of his visit, but of having a new big bed!

We're going to attempt anal again and I have also ordered a Shibari book, which should arrive in time for us to try using it's contents in our play.

Mr Good-Company has also suggested I try tying him up and using him for pleasure. I must admit that I find the prospect rather daunting. We've tried tying him up only once before, when I was much newer to this whole 'sex' game. I had absolutely no idea what to do with him! Here's hoping we have a bit more success this time.

But that will be a whole new year. As for this year? It has been amazing. It's been hard sometimes, I'm never going to deny that. Things often didn't work out as I'd hoped, but I have no regrets. I have learnt so much about myself and gained so much. I learnt about sex, I learnt about my own likes and dislikes. Most important of all I gained so much self confidence and made a wonderful friend. All I can say to this person is 'thank you'. Thank you for my amazing year full of wonderful experiences. So far this has been the best year of my life. Here's to many more.

Simply Sadness

It was nearly 12 months ago now that I joined the dating site. So much has changed since then and so much hasn't. As I sit here writing this I feel the same sadness in my chest that I was feeling 12 months ago. I am crying and my usual smile is so far away. I am still incredibly lonely.

I have so many more friends now than I did 12 months ago, both online and in real life. But I still feel so much as if I am missing something. I want someone who I can hug for no reason and who I know will hug me back. I want to go to sleep at night with someone in my bed who I'll want to wake up to the next day.

I know that these are all the clichéd wants of a single person. Perhaps it's my loneliness creating them, perhaps they are something that I genuinely need. I don't know. But right now I feel so sad and those are the only wants that I have.

I still wonder sometimes if I would have been better off never having met Mr Good-Company. I never would have known how nice something as simple as holding hands is, how nice it is to kiss someone, how nice it is to wake up beside someone. Yet at the same time I cherish those memories for the pleasure they gave me. The only thing I would trade those memories for is love.

I have truely come to the realisation that I am never going to find what I am looking for in this town. This doesn't help my sadness. I love it here. The beach, most of the people, the general feel of the place. I have lived in many different towns across my short life, but to me this is home. Even when I didn't actually live here, this was home When I'm angry and need to escape, this town, the beach; this is my home. I'm going to miss it.

I am thinking of leaving here at the end of 2012. Yes, I know I was thinking of leaving here at the end of this year as well. This time there is more cement behind my intentions though. I'm thinking of moving to Geelong. My sister lives there and as of next year so will my best friend. There is another branch of the retail outlet I work for there as well. After talking to my manager today, I now know that staff transfers are possible between stores as well.

There are several reasons why I am going to wait another year, survive another year of being alone before I go through with this move. The first is the most superficial: there are still 12 months before my gym membership expires and I can't afford to waste the money I paid for it. My second reason is also financial. I assume it's likely that renting will be more expensive there. I need to save money for both the move itself and to pay the bond of wherever I end up.

As for my third reason? Well that's career based. I plan on furthering my standing within the company within the next 12 months. I have only been employed by them for a year but I already work as many hours as the manager and have become one of the more knowledgeable members of our staff. I'm not bragging. I am good at my job and believe I have the skills to take it further. Over the next 12 months I plan to continue working my hardest and to undertake the necessary training to development my management skills. Give me 5 years and I plan on managing one of our stores. Just you watch me do it!

I know that it's a bit early for New Years resolutions. But I resolve that 2012 shall be my stepping stone year. I'm going to work hard, build my skills, save my money and leave the town I love. As for 2013? I'm an optimist. My fingers are already crossed.

Is it Working?

Well, my webcam works. I tested it out with Mr Good-Company last night. Was it working? No. Due to my indredibly bad internet the picture had frozen. But when I finally managed to connect properly, things became a whole lot more entertaining.

I was quite hesitant at first. I'm going to admit that I had spent quite some time earlier in the evening figuring out how to point the camera at my 'best angle'. I think I managed.

I didn't want to show my face of course, but Mr Good-Company had no such qualms. I watched him set up his camera and sit at the end of the bed, spreading his legs and taking hold of his cock. I watched, taking hold of my vibe, which instantly lost the majority of it's power. 

You see, the first time I managed to connect my vibe still had full power, but in the 15 minutes or so when my connection failed, so did my vibe. 

I continued to enjoy what was left of my vibe before inserting one of my new dildos. I slowly began to fuck myself with it, using the vibe on my clit before switching to my fingers. All the while watching Mr Good-Company.

I came, and continued to gently rub myself. I watched Mr Good-Company walk towards the screen. I watched his cock, and he began to type:

Mr Good-Company: fuck it hard

Mr Good-Company: i m gonnna cum watching u

Jess Carlson: nice

Mr Good-Company: i came real hard

Jess Carlson: i could see

Jess Carlson: i did twice, my vibe died halfway thru lol

Mr Good-Company: i think i could go another quick go

Mr Good-Company: i love to hear you

Jess Carlson: oh really?

Mr Good-Company: yeah

Jess Carlson: well it's one of the benifits of living alone

Mr Good-Company: hehe id moan loud but not living alone

Jess Carlson: i know lol

So we had another go. I picked a new vibe. The orange one I at bought at Sexpo. 'Big Boss' it's called on the box. I just call it the orange one. This one was at full charge and I soon found myself cuming again. Moaning all the while...

Funny Faces

A couple of days ago I tried something I have never done before. I watched Mr Good-Company play with himself via webcam. I loved it.

I played the entire time. He just looked so good, so delicious. I wanted his cock in my mouth. A couple of days later I watched him again, once again playing. After several minutes, just as I was beginning to orgasm, a message popped up on my screen 'Moan louder. I think I can hear you'. I didn't even know my laptop had a microphone! So moan I did. I came several times within minutes, my bullet being wonderfully powerful.

Those two times that I watched Mr Good-Company, I didn't have a webcam of my own. Yesterday I went shopping. I only installed my new toy today, but I've been sitting here all evening pulling funny faces at myself. It's strangely amusing. I'm hoping that Mr God-Company will be around soon for me to test out my cam properly.

Speaking of Mr Good-Company, I've been trying to arrange another meeting between the two of us. I'm not having much luck unfortunately. He doesn't seem to know his work schedule in advance which makes it very hard for me to find time off work and go down to the city.

I really want to meet up again. I'm not sure if he's afraid that I will become to attached again, but I have no intention of letting that happen. I have know Mr Good-Company nearly a year now. For me to hope for more now I would be insulting my own intelligence. I think very highly of my intelligence. I am not a stupid person. I want sex and I want friendship. I'm having no luck finding either of those things in this town. Mr Good-Company seems to be my only option. My fingers are crossed that we can sort something out.

On another totally unrelated note, I have a few congratulations to offer. First of all I would love to  congratulate my best friend Anita on graduating from uni and for finding herself an internship as a radiologist all in the same week. Love ya!

I would also like to congratulate my wonderful American friend Zelda on her engagement. Good luck to you and your Dom Chicka. Grins.

Last but not least congratulations to Mr Good-Company for being accepted into the uni course he was after. Well done mate!

Missed Privilege

Now I've been in a bit of a writing mood lately but due to a busy schedule and general tiredness I've found that at the end of the day I just couldn't be bothered putting that thinking cap on. But tonight I did. Now I generally don't write stories with the pleasure of anyone but myself in mind, but tonight I was thinking of Mr Good-Company so I wrote with him in mind. I offered to share it with him first, but now he has missed out on the privilege. I'm going to continue to refine this, but here's the story so far:

You walk into the room and walk straight over to the bed. I watch as you undress, pulling your shirt over your head and sliding your jeans down past your hips and to the ground. You're hard already. As I walk towards the bed I continue to watch you're erection, it fascinates me.

I sit down beside you and you kiss me hard against my mouth, sliding your hand up under my skirt and between my legs as you do. I gasp as your fingers brush past my clit. As I reach out my hand to your leg, to your cock, you continue to rub your hand between my thighs. Brushing my clit, reaching inside of me and back to my clit.

I begin to moan, pushing my mouth hard against yours. Your fingers begin to stroke my pussy harder and faster. You pause for a moment, reaching up to remove my bra and shirt. The moment my breasts are free you're mouth seeks out one of my nipples. As you hold it up to your mouth and flick your tongue against it in a quick succession of little movements, you're other hand finds it's way back between my legs. Back to my clit, back to my pussy.

I feel you bite my nipples, the pain quickly intensifying as you switch between the two. You're rubbing and stroking my pussy faster and harder and I begin to moan. I feel my orgasm begin to build as I move your mouth back to mine. I'm moaning now. What you're doing between my legs feels so good!

I can't concentrate on kissing any more, though my face remains close to yours. My breath comes in gasps. Your fingers move faster. I feel my muscles clench as I push my body down onto your hand, coming hard against it.

I rest my head against your shoulder for a moment, until I hear a voice in my ear.

'Suck my cock'.

I look up at you and grin.

I begin to rub my had gently against your balls as I take your shaft into my mouth. I gently flick my tongue over your knob and then I begin to suck.

I keep rubbing your balls as I tighten my mouth over your cock and slowly begin to slide more of it inside of me, filling my mouth. As I begin to move my mouth up and down your shaft I move my fingers lower, rubbing the spot just behind your balls

Each time I move my head, I tease your shaft with my tongue, flicking and licking

'Lick my balls'.

I stop and instead begin to rub my hand up and down your cock as I move my mouth further south. I start licking your balls, small strokes and long as I continue moving my hand up and down your cock. Moving my head again I press firmly with my tongue behind your balls, rubbing the tip of your cock with my hand

You groan as I do so and pull my head back towards your cock

I flick the tip of your cock with my tongue, tasting your precum before I take all of you into my mouth. Pressing down, my lips flush against the base of your cock, I feel you at the back of my throat

I move up and down slowly before I feel your hands take hold of my head. You move my head up and down You begin to thrust into me, each time your cock hitting the back of my throat. 

I begin to groan slightly as you move my head faster and faster. I know that you're close now.

You're moving my head as fast as it could possibly go now, the gaps between when your cock hits the back of my throat are shorter and shorter.

With one final thrust you push my head right down, my lips flush against the base of your cock. I hear you groan and I feel your cock spasm in my mouth.

You continue to groan as my mouth fills with cum. I swallow and your cock spasms again, filling my mouth with cum once more.

You hold my head there for a few seconds once you're finished. When you remove you hands from my head I sit up, lick the last of your moisture from my lips and grin.

Now I'm sure there's a bit more editing to done there, or a few details that might be simply incorrect from a guys perspective. Since my usual male editor (not Mr Good-Company) has recently pulled a disappearing act, I would very much appreciate it if any of male readers out there could provide me with and feedback on that aspect of things and just any feedback in general would be awesome. Thanks for reading folks!

Reaching the Limits

At 6.35am on Saturday morning my train pulled away from the station. I was on my way to Sexpo. Four hours later the bus I had switched to pulled into the station and I waited for Mr Good-Company to arrive. When he did arrived we walked through the rain to Minataur and then onto his car to dump my bag. Next: Sexpo!

By the time we made it to the exhibition centre I had relaxed a bit and wasn't quite as nervous as I had been at first. Though as soon as we entered the event I went a little bit shy again. I had never seen so many toys or half naked people in my life!

After we had walked around for a bit I began to consider buying some things. We tried out a few of the sideshows and I bough my little brother some penis shaped soap as a present. I will fill you in on what I bought in my next post.

As we were finishing lunch we heard a crowd gathering in front of the grandstand. The Bombshell Babes were beginning their show. I had never seen anything like it! To be honest, I really don't know how to describe it. There was stripping, pole climbing, sparks and a lot more than I was expecting to see! Following this we went to another, more sedate strip show. Much less energetic, the girls slowly danced around on stage, removing only their bras. I was mesmorised. I also saw a peep show. This was exactly what I was expecting appart from one thing, I do believe the woman gave me a wave!


After we had seen the strip shows I gave Mr Good-Company a small remote. I was waering a vibrator and he was now in charge of the controls. It was really fun experiment. For a while there I cracked up laughing every time he turned it on. It tickled!

By about 3pm we had seen all there was to see and I was running out of money. We headed back to the hotel. The first thing we did was empty all our purchases onto the bed and see exactly what we had to deal with. I put mine on charge and we watched tv for a bit. Mr Good-Company soon turned off the tvc and turned to me.

'Want to have some fun?'

'What do you think?'

Mr Good-Company moved over to my side of the bed and put his mouth on mine. This was the first kiss I'd had in over 4 months. It was awesome.

He began to suck my nipples and I soon felt his hand moving up under my dress. Needless to say, we soon lost all of our clothing.

'Suck my cock.'

So I eagerly bent over him, eagerly taking him into my mouth. I could feel his pubic hair on my chin. Feel the soft skin of his shaft in my mouth and taste the slight tanginess of pre-cum. It was delicious. After sucking him for a while I moved onto his balls, stroking him with my hand as I did so, before I moved back to his mouth.

He soon sat up and bent over me. Putting his mouth to my pussy, Mr Good-Company began to eat me. I was loving it. To me, nothing quite feels as gentle or as probing as a tongue flicking over my clit, separating my lips and moving inside me. It's a very unique feeling and by god it felt amazing.

Mr Good-Company moved up my body and once again made his way to my breasts. As he sucked and bit my nipples I let out the occasional gasp. He then moved up to my mouth, kissed me hard and reached over for the condoms and the toys he had bought; a cock extender/sleeve thing and a vibrating cock ring.

I sat there, rocking on my heels a little as he put these on. I was more than ready for him by that stage. I wanted him inside me and I wanted him there right away.

Mr Good-Company lay back on the bed and I climbed on top of him. I moaned as he slid himself inside me,

'Is this what you wanted?'

All I could do in reply was nod my head and bite my lip. The could hardly tell that he was wearing the cock extender, I could feel that there was something different there and could also notice the vibrations of the cock ring. But for me, all the stimulation was occuring inside. 

I began to moan as I rode him. Feeling my orgasm building inside I knew it was going to be a pretty good one. It had been so long since I'd had sex. A few moments after I came, Mr Good-Company did. I collapsed on top of him, completely out of breath.

After restocking our brains with much needed oxygen we put our clothes back on and went in hunt of food. We ended up at a little Japanese restaurant not to far from the hotel. Very much being an ignorant country bumpkin I had no idea what to order, not even knowing what the majority of the menu actually consisted of. Mr Good-Company picked out a drink for me and I let the hostess suggest an entree. Well, it turns out I'm not the biggest fan of home made cheese tofu, but the main was delicious. I have never had had vegetables deep fried in my life, now I have. The prawns were also amazing and I even tried sake. Mr Good-Company said that the sake was quite potent though I actually found it easier to drink than the beer he had ordered for me. 

When we finished the meal we braved the pouring rain and headed back to the hotel. We watched the end of a movie before Mr Good-Company stripped down and turned out the lights. I couldn't see him at all and I could only feel him as he moved on top of me. 

He kissed my mouth and nipples before once again heading south. He began to lick me and then I felt him begin to adjust position. He lifted me so that my ass was in the air, legs over his shoulders and my back against his chest and he once again continued with his efforts. I lay my arms out on the bed for balance and very nearly felt myself coming before he lay me back down and reached for the rope.

Following a simple set of instructions packaged with the rope, Mr Good-Company proceeded to tie me up. Due to my height and the curvaseousness of my body, the piece of rope wasn't quite long enough. Mr Good-Company then improvised, tieing more rope to the end of the first piece and my hands behind my back.

Pushing me down onto the bed Mr Good-Company than proceeded to play with and use me. He kissed me hard, pulling on the rope between my legs. I gasped as the rope rubbed against my clit. Moving into the 69 position Mr-Good-Company proceeded to fuck my mouth. Pulling on the rope, he inserted my new vibrator between my legs. I began to moan as he increased the vibrations, licking his cock as I did so.

Mr Good-Company then stood up, pulling me to the edge of the bed he positioned himself between my legs and tried to enter me anally. I felt as relaxed as I could possibly be. I was ready for this, but it just wasn't working. We cchanged positions. With doggy style he was able to enter me, but it hurt. A lot and not in a good way. Once again we changed positions. Reverse cowgirl this time. Once again he couldn't enter me. It seemed that anal just wasn't going to happen.

I was actually quite dissapointed with this. As much as anal so far isn't my favourite thing to do, I do still somehow enjoy it. I'm not sure why, as it certainly has no pleasure as yet but I know I'll make it there one day.

After cleaning himself up, Mr Good-Company knelt between my legs and slid himself into my pussy. With my legs over his shoulders, Mr Good-Company proceeded to pound into me and soon we both found ourselves coming,

Now I know that this will sound silly, but the part of the weekend I was most nervous about was the actual sleeping part. As several friends had assured me, I really did have nothing to worry about. After round two, both semi-clothed, we lay down to sleep on top of the covers. 

Judging by the sound of his snores, Mr Good-Company fell asleep before I did but I was out soon after. I was briefly woken to a mostly still asleep state by the sound of Mr Good-Company positioning the blankets over him, though i was consious of this for only the briefest of moments before nodding off again. Some time later, I woke again and crawled under the blankets myself.

I believe I woke again at 6.30am. Though we had fallen asleep on seperate sides of the bed, I woke with my head on his shoulder and my arm flung across Mr Good-Company's chest. I found it he strangest thing to wake and see someones sleeping face so close to mine. 

This was the first time I had ever shared a bed with someone. I was actually kind of surprised at how nice it was to wake up and feel a warm body beside mine that wasn't a cat. 

I dozed for a while longer before realising that I really needed to use the bathroom. Afterwards, as I hopped back into bed, Mr Good-Company stirred and looked fussily at me.

'Morning.' He said before pulling the blankets up over his shoulders.

'Hello.' 

As Mr Good-Company lay there I moved my hand and began to stroke the shape of his cock through his shorts. After a few moments I felt his hand move and begin to rub against my pants in return. As we continued this our breathing became heavier and we moved our faces close together before kissing gently.

I once again climbed on top of Mr Good-Company, kissing him as we our genitals continued to rub each other through clothing. 

Mr Good-Comapany soon slid of his shorts and I continued to grind my still clad self against his cock. As I did so Mr Good-Company began to rub my breasts through my shirt before he removed it completly. Whilst he began to suck and bite me I half climbed off him and removed my own pants. I climbed back on and began to rub my clit against his cock. Loving the feel of it.

Within a few moments Mr Good-Company stopped me, pausing to put on a condom. I soon began to ride him again. Properly this time.

'Much better than a sleeve.'

'You like my cock do you?'

'Yep.'

I leant down to kiss him and Mr Good-Company wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight against him as he kissed me hard, thrusting into me as he did so.

I could feel myself beginning to come once again. I sat up, moving faster against him. Biting my lip I continued to ride him until I came.

Once I had regained my breath I began to move once again but Mr Good-Company stopped me, rolling me onto my back. With my legs once again over his shoulders he fucked me hard. Causing me to orgasm once again. 

As Mr Good-Company came, he collapsed on my chest. I held him there for a bit before it was time to shower and leave.

Outside the hotel I said goodbye to Mr Good-Comapny and caught a taxi to the station. That was the end of my weekend.

Lost in the City

I'm not entirely sure what to write. I know only that my fingers have chosen to lead me here so there must be something that I want to say, so just bare with me...

Sexpo is still on thankfully. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't. Since Mr Good-Company hasn't been replying to my texts, I spent the morning worrying that he had decided to back out. Due to my anxiety condition this means that I made myself near physically ill. I actually had to miss the ab class at the gym which I am rather disapointed about. I like that class. Apparently hidden beneath the flab I have some pretty decent abs.

Instead, I did a quick gym session before the nausea became to much, then I went home, took some anxiety meds and tried to force myself to relax. I think it worked to some extent.

Later on I received a Facebook message from Mr Good-Company saying that our plans would have to change slightly. That he couldn't hang out with me for the few hours between checking out of the hotel and catching the train back home. I will admit I'm actually quite disappointed about this. I had hoped to spend more time with Mr Good-Company. But I suppose that what I have will just have to suffice.

I am now left trying to decide what to do instead. Do I find a cafe and wait away the few hours until my train arrives? Or do I catch a later train home and have a look around Melbourne for the day? I have never been in the city by myself so both prospects are rather scary. Had I know earlier that this was going to happen I would have been able to hang out with Anita for the day. But unfortunately, this close to the weekend, she has already made plans to visit her brothers in Sale so will be out of town. I really don't know what I should do.

Today is Thursday. Sexpo is on Saturday. That means I have one more day to figure out what I'm going to do. Any suggestions?

Bigger than Butterflies

Today is Wednesday. On Saturday I go to Melbourne, to Sexpo. To put it simply I am extremely nervous.

I spent today shopping for clothes to wear, apparently it's going to be quite warm and I have no Summer clothes. I asked Mr Good-Company what I should wear. I received the response 'corset and fishnets'. Yeah that's not going to happen.

As a rather happy coincidence, Sexpo is set to coincide with my horniest time of the month. I am already in the midst of this time and I believe it's effects are being further heightened by by my anticipation of 'after Sexpo'. I'm horny as hell and it's driving me absolutely nuts!

Clothes shopping, and thinking of how those clothes will be removed was enough to cause things to become rather, umm... 'damp'. Even after that play session I can still feel myself aching to be filled. I want sex. I want to feel a mouth on mine, a tongue up and down my pussy and teeth on my nipples. I want my mouth filled with cock. To feel the different textures, the warmth of cum in my mouth.

I can't wait for this weekend...

Being a Wart

No, not that sort you filthy minded folks! I am a worry wart. I stress over the littlest things. I simply can't help it. Let me explain...

I have an anxiety disorder. I don't suffer from panic attacks, I simply 'stress'. I worry, and I worry, and I worry. The more stressed I become, the more things I find to worry about.

Right now there area couple of things causing me stress. Money is a constant stressor, though over the last couple of months I have finally managed to gather myself together and start saving. Sexpo was my main motivator, but also the fact that I miss my best friend Anita. Like Mr Good-Company she lives in Melbourne, which means I don't see her very often. So to visit her, I need to save some dough.

My other main stressor at the moment is work. Not the lack of it, but that I am working a lot. It's this amount of work that is enabling to save some money. I do really, really enjoy my job, but even I become tired. I recently worked 12 days in a row and then had just one day off. Straight after I moved into another 13 day stretch. This isn't rostered on to happen, but as I mentioned, I enjoy my job and need the extra money. This means I am the first to put my hand up for any extra shifts. But by the end of it (I have currently just finished day 11 of 13) I do become a little bit grumpy.

I admit that I am a little bit grumpy now. I am tired and am tomorrow I am booked in for an appointment with my nutritionist that I know is not going to go well. Right now I am stressing about Sexpo. I can't help it. I know I have nothing to be worried about. But still I worry. I am worried about being in the city. I am nervous about being around large crowds of people. I am nervous about seeing Mr Good-Company again. I am nervous about staying the night with him. I am nervous about trying anal again and on top of all those things I'm worried that the hotel may not have received out booking!

To further annoy me, Mr Good-Company keeps disappearing from chats. I'm not as angry as I once would have been. To be honest I'm just excited that Sexpo is happening. But at the same time I want to talk about it. I want to ask questions, I want to know what I've signed up for. But over all I'm just excited and can't help rambling on!

I apologise for the fact that this post has had no real plot. Due to being stressed there were just a few things I needed to say. I am tired, grumpy and nervous, annoyed and bouncing of the walls with excitement. This time next week I will be back home after spending the night in Melbourne. I hope that I will be bruised, tired and happy.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings folks, I appreciate it.

Check In

'A studio apartment with kitchenette, ensuite,CBD location and wireless internet access'

That is where Mr Good-Company and I will be staying on the 26th of November. It is confirmed and booked folks, I am going to Sexpo!

I have spent the last 6 weeks wondering whether or not this would actually happen. First due to Mr Good-Company having made similar such statements before; 'I'll take you to the sex shop' and second because of Mr Good-Company saying he may not be single by the time the event rolled around. But after all that waiting, the disappointment at his near cancellation, things have actually come together. I have time of work, the hotel is booked and paid for and now all I need to do is buy myself a train ticket.

To say I am excited would be a rather massive understatement. Imagine a room full of Twilight fans meeting Rob Pattinson or Taylor Lautner. Imagine the squeals of excitement, the bouncing up and down: this is me. I can't stop grinning and if I wanted to look like a total twat I assure you that I would be bouncing up and down whilst squealing as well. I think I'm just going to stick with the silly grin.

I'm writing this at 11pm on a Friday night. At this time next week I will be lying in bed, grinning my silly face off. I'll need to sleep, the next morning I'll be catching a 6.30am train into the city. But I know I'll just continue to lie there in bed, twisting from one side to the other, trying to find a comfortable spot in my usually perfect. I wont fall asleep until after midnight, and I know I'll be grinning all the while.

I can't wait! Grins

The Painted Girl

I guess you never really know what will happen on any given day. You think you know, but thats all you can really hope for. I knew that today I would wake up, have some breakfast and go to the gym. I'd the come back home, make some Jam Drops and bum around the place for the rest of the day. Apparently, I didn't know any of this.

It is very nearly the summer holidays here in Australia. As such, my younger sister is home from uni for several months. She's managed to find herself some work at one of the aged care facilities near where I live, so I seem to have gained myself a flatmate for the summer. It's both better and worse than expected. We don't want to kill each other yet, but it's become very apparent to me how used to living alone I am. I never want to have to share a bathroom again! The shower war, is on.

Today I had the day off so we decided to do a few jobs up the street, scouring the local vintage shops as we went. Around lunchtime my sister headed back to my parents place which is closer to her other job and I met up with my younger brother instead.

It was a lovely sunny day so I decided that after we had found him some clothes to wear to his year 12 graduation we would go and eat some salad sandwiches at the beach. As I parked the car the clouds began to desend. As we ate our lunch it began to drizzle. But that's okay, I happen to quite like rain. We headed down to the beach, removing our shoes as we went and headed straight into the water. It was freezing but wonderful.

We had walked back and fourth, knee deep amongst the waves for maybe five minutes before the rain came down. But this was still okay. That is until the wind picked up and started to blow sand at us. It was rather ferosious actually. I could feel it stinging our legs as we turned our backs to it. Children were fast evacuating the water as there parents herded tham back to cars. My brother and I followed suit though still becoming drenched in the process.

With several hours before we had to go and pick up his car from the dealer, we decided to head back up the main street. Until someone remembered that we had once decided to go to the sex shop when a certain little brother turned 18. Just by pure chance, I had figured out exactly where the shop was a week earlier, so we knew where we were going at least.

The town I live in is a bit more than slightly conservative, so the the only place a sex shop was allowed to open was out on the industrial estate. My brother and I parked out front and headed in. As we walked in the owner informed us that he was closing early and we would only have 5 minutes to brow,se.

I wasn't able to have as good a look at everything as I would have liked, but it really wasn't as exciting as I had hoped. I don't know if this was because I was with my brother or if it was only due to the fact that it was a sex store in the country. I intend to go back another time and find out.

My other story for the day involved running into my friend G-String. I ran into him after the sex shop and he hung about with me and my brother for awhile before my brother wandered off elsewhere. G-String told me that he had been hanging out with some friend s of his who were trying to raise awareness about a community art project, but he had left because he just felt a little bit awkward.

Why was it awkward? Well the girl trying to raise awareness for this project was wearing a g-string and nipple pasties, whilst 'clothed' in full body paint with a design of puzzle pieces painted all over her. Knowing the woman who did the painting, it sure must have been a changed to the normal kids face painting that she does.

This girl looked amazing. She was on the chubby side of skinny, but I don't think you would be able to call her chubby or skinny. She simply looked normal. My first thought was how the hell are the police not here? My second thought was that I now knew whet my former drawing teacher was on about in the facebook status he had posted about using boobs as a promotional tool.

G-String and I went for coffee before meeting up with my brother again. As my brother and I were about to part ways with G-String we ran into The Painted Girl again. Now the police were involved. We hung around for a bit jsut to see how things would go, but it all seemed to end well. When the police left The Painted Girl told us that someone had dobbed her in for indecent exposure.  Since the art group had permission (from who, I don't know) there was no issue. Though I do think she was told to put some clothes on if she wanted to avoid taking the issue further.

So that wad my day in which I knew all that was going to happen. How wrong I was. I have no doubt I'll be reading something about The Painted Girl in the newspapers tomorrow. There will be people applauding her courage and others denouncing her for her public nudity. In my opinion she is a very brave woman for having done what she did. Though unlike me with my knowing what would happen today, I'm sure that she knew the police would make an appearance at some point. Painted Girl, I take my hat off to you. Well done.

Not Even a Bakers Dozen

Well, I didn't make it past day 12. I'm talking about my self-celibacy of course. I tried my best, I really did. However, these things often don't go to plan.

The hurdle in my attempt came in the form of Ass Face himself, more often known as Mr Good-Company. Now if you are a regular reader you will know just how much I have been looking forward to going to Sexpo with him. Now it wasn't just Sexpo itself I was looking forward to, but the night of fun to follow. It has been approximately 3.5 months since I have had sex and 2.5 months since I have had any fun at all, even something as simple as kissing. I was reeeally looking forward to 'After Sexpo'.

Then out of the blue, a massive projectile fell out of the sky and knocked my celibate, fantasising little socks off. Mr Good-Company was talking to a girl and he really thinks/thought (don't ask me, I don't know) that he has a chance with her. As such he would be 'un-single' come Sexpo time.

I'm not going to lie, I did cry. I was quite upset. Despite my attempts not to raise my own hopes, not to expect it to happen until it actually did, I had begun to really believe it would happen.

At this stage, Mr Good-Company has said that if nothing happens with this girl, then Sexpo is still on. But I'm not letting my hopes be raised again, I don't like how much it hurts when I fall through the sky and crash back down to reality. In my mind, until he let's me know otherwise, Sexpo is 99.99% not happening (I want to say it's not happening, but damn it I still seem to be hoping).

Now I am aware, as several close friends have told me, that I am being silly, stupid, naive, insert appropriate insult here. I know this. I really, really do. I know I am nothing but a fall back option for sex, for a blow job, for a good time. If I let myself think about, it does hurt. But I choose not to. I want sex to, I want oral, I want to have a good time. Unfortunately, this seems to be the only way I can have this good time.

Okay! Calm down! I'm not having a go at myself so to speak, I know one day there will be others One day someone will want me for more than just sex. I've never given up hope of that. The day I give up hope, will be the day that living loses it's appeal. I am an optimist. I always have been. Even when I considered suicide several years ago, the one thought that stopped me was that 'One day it will be better'. I still believe this. One day it will be better.

Still wondering how my celibacy failed? It's simple really, when I'm quite upset I play. It makes me feel better. I do think that I failed my celibacy attempt, but that doesn't matter to me. I tried my best. I survived longer than I thought, proved that I am stronger than I thought. But that is what often seems to be the case, you never really know exactly how strong you can be, until you are tested. I am always being tested. I am always stronger than expected and I always will be.

5 Out of 40

I am currently on day 5 of my 40 day self-celibacy challenge. Whilst it certainly hasn't been as difficult as I expected, it certainly hasn't been easy either.

I posted a question on a forum asking if any other women there had done what I am doing, and what advice they could give me. I received an equal amount of positive and negative feedback. Many people seemed to think that after 5 weeks of no play, I would lose my sex drive altogether, others saying the complete opposite.

Surprisingly, I was offered some helpful advice as well. It was suggested that a way to keep my interest alive would be to play, but to deny myself orgasm. Apparently this can make that eventual orgasm especially intense. Now I have been playing a bit but so far I haven't let myself come anywhere near the point of orgasm. I'm just not sure I trust myself. But at the same time I think that it is very unlikely that I could possibly lose interest in sex in just 5 weeks.

My mind still wanders a lot. Sex is something that is often on my mind and this whole self-celibacy thing doesn't appear to have changed that. I'll be on my way to work or the shops and I'll find that something just pops into my head...

'I can feel his weight on top of me. His arms grasping mine has he pins me down. He kisses my hard, gently biting my lip as he pulls his face away. I can feel him adjust himself, aligning his hips with mine. He presses his cock against my pussy, just teasing me. He knows how much I want to be filled. Suddenly I am.

He begins to thrust hard inside of me making me moan. I raise my legs, wrapping them around his back, feeling him go deeper and deeper inside of me. I start to cry out as he thrust faster, feeling my orgasm building...'

See, I told you my mind wanders. But I do enjoy the torture that is my imagination. I enjoy being turned on but knowing I can do nothing about it. That's a surprising discovery for me. I particularly enjoy thinking about just what Mr Good-Company is going to do with me when this is all over. Will he tease the hell out of me? Or quickly put me out of my misery? I'm not sure which I would enjoy more, but by that stage I think I would enjoy absolutely anything (don't quote me on that). Only 35 days left to go...

Losing my Nut

I have a habit, when taken by an interesting idea, of diving straight into the deep end. I don't necessarily mean to, it's just what seems to come naturally to me. I go the whole hog, determined to do it properly. As my personal trainer once told me, I am a sucker for going the hard yards.

I can see you wondering what exactly it is that I've committed myself to this time. I won't draw it out, it's going to be a long drawn out process as it is. I have committed myself to roughly 5 entire weeks of self-celibacy.

Now just wait for that to sink in... Okay, you can stop laughing at me now, I'm well aware that I AM GOING TO DIE!

The idea came about from an online chat a friend and I were having. We were talking about a wireless and remote controlled vibrator I own and the fact that I cannot orgasm from it. My friend came up with the idea that perhaps I had become desensitised to vibrations over time, needing more and more power behind them to receive the desired result. This actually made a lot of sense so I decided that I would abstain from using vibrators for a while.

As we continued to talk about this the idea began to grow... If I could become overly accustomed to vibrators, then I am also overly accustomed to larger toys, the smaller ones not really doing it for me any more. So it was decided that I would abstain from them also.

Seriously! Stop laughing at me!

I of course, decided to take things one step further and abstain from all self-pleasure all together. I'd had a very good masturbatory session an hour or so before the conversation with my friend had taken place, so I had no doubts that I would be able to complete the challenge. In fact, I was actually very excited about it!

I went to bed last night and despite missing my evening play session I fell straight asleep. Then I woke in a bit of a daze at about 5am and it hit me. I WAS GOING TO DIE!

I will admit I panicked a bit then. Seriously considering having a play right then and putting the whole thing down as a massive failure, not even managing to last 24 hours. But in my sleepy little daze I thought about it some more. I wanted to do this. No one was holding me to it, it was something I was doing for me. I decided to provide myself with a limit of two clitoral based orgasms throughout that 5 week period, a sort of  'get out of jail free card'. I also decided that if I did fail in this endeavour, then it would still be okay. I still would have achieved something.

So that is what I am going to do. I certainly see some tough times ahead that's for sure, close to the end of it I'll probably find myself humping the furniture. One of the hardest things I believe will be sleeping, I actually sleep with one hand down my pants! Talk about temptation!

I decided that my challenge will end on the day I attend Sexpo, so Mr Good-Company will have to take care of the results of my abstinence, whatever they may be.

You can start laughing again now. I'm done.

My Little Box of Wonders

Well hello all. I have recently found myself observing with some curiosity, the growth of my small toy collection. I have sixteen toys so far. An assortment of vibrators and dildos.

The original Purple Friend and Purple Friend the Second.

I have my definite favourites of course. My Purple Friend being my ultimate favourite, my first toy and the one I turn to most often, My Purple Friend is the only toy of mine that has a permanent name all it's own. I mainly use this particular toy in the shower,making good use of the suction cup at the base and taking it for a bit of a ride. 

My original Purple Friend, after about 6 months of fairly rough and regular use, is now beginning to deteriorate. The suction cup beginning to split from the main part of the dildo and the 'ball' section is starting to separate from the shaft. As such, I ordered myself a new Purple Friend. Sure I could have been a bit more adventurous and gone for a different size or colour, but what I have now works so well I just bought another of the same. Though, comparing the two, you can definitely tell the current from the new!

My first rabbit style vibe, a very enjoyable bullet
and a wireless, remote controlled vibe.

I also found myself pondering my toys of the vibrating variety. The majority of my toys are vibes. As some of you well know, I only bought my first vibrator this year. It was very simple, just a small vibrating rod really. It didn't last long unfortunately but I did buy a replacement exactly the same as the first

Now whilst on the subject of vibrators, my purchases from the Flaunt It party finally arrived. I arrived home from work one evening to find a parcel on my doorstep. I eagerly opened it, expecting it to be the corset I had ordered many several weeks ago. When I opened the plastic packaging and saw the black tissue paper however, I immediately knew it wasn't my corset, but something a lot more exciting! I quickly tore open the tissue paper dug some batteries out of various tv remotes and cameras, and prepared myself to take my new toys for a test drive

Mr Happy

After I had tried out my toys, some more pleasurable than others, I gave them a pretty good examination. All seem to be of fairly good quality, but I knew that when I bought them. The surprise cam when I was having a closer look at the head/shaft of the rabbit vibe. It was smiling at me!

I must admit I quite like this feature. It seems to give the vibe just a little personal quirk. Sure there are probably millions of this same vibe with this same little grin, but I like the fact that he seem to be so happy and pleased with the job he's doing. Perhaps this will be the next toy of mine to gain its own name?

This is turning into quite a picture based blog post, so before I sign off, I'm going to put up one last photo, showing how far I have come regarding my choice in vibrators. I must admit that for some reason it makes me feel quite pleased with myself.

The little pink one is the second reincarnation of my first, short lived vibrator. It was cheap (under $15) and shodderly made, but it still felt wonderful. The rabbit by comparison, I paid $99 for (only to later find it at my usual online store for $70). But I believe paying that extra thirty dollars was well worth it for an evening spent in the company of friends, having a good laughs and a few drinks. 

I have my eye on a few other toys at the moment, nothing as technical looking as the rabbit, but each with their own appeal. I certainly look forward to adding to my toy collection in the future.

Voulez vous?

So whilst I was sitting here on my couch, listening to 1970's Swedish pop music and eating home made passion fruit cookie dough, I realised it's been quite some time since I wrote. I do believe there are a few things that need up dating...


First update: I mentioned in passing (but I can't find where), a new potential 'friend' whom I and an online friend of mine, Zelda, had been referring to as 'Nice Penis Guy'. Well after much deliberation and talking with Nice Penis Guy, I decided to once again give fuck buddies a try. I messaged him my answer and waited for a reply. And waited, and waited, and waited. This was a few months ago now and I never did receive a response. I will admit I was a bit annoyed, especially because he had been the one to proposition me. But in the end, I really don't care all that much. His loss after all.


Second Update: Nothing sex related, but I'll tell you anyway. I work at a party supply shop, aside from washing dishes, it is my first 'real' job and I have been there just over 6 months now and absolutely love it. I am a 'casual', but as of next month (pending the area manager's approval) they are going to be putting me on as 'part time'. It means a few more hours and a bit less pay but I will also be receiving sick pay and holiday pay, which more than makes up for paycut.


The other slightly amusing/annoying thing is that a few of my co-workers have somehow taken it into there heads that there is something between me and one of the guys I work with. Simply put, there isn't. As myself and he are the only two single people at my workplace, I think there just having a bit of fun. At least I hope so...


Third update: I have been making friends! Normal friends that is. At the start of this year I would have said I had maybe three friends, none of whom I was able to see regularly. Anita, Miss Brown and one other from our little group from school. Since attending the local book club however, I have become quite good friends with a woman who used to waitress at the restaurant I worked at.


I have also begun to build a bit of a friendship (platonic) with a guy 'G', I went to school with. He is just one of those absolutely genuine people. I honestly can't think of a bad word that  myself or anyone could say about him. Sitting at home the other night I found myself with a Facebook message from him. we chatted for a bit and he asked me if I wanted to come over for drinks and movie's. I at first typed a response in the negative before changing it. I mean really, what did I have to lose in going and hanging out with him?


Well it turns out he was quite intoxicated. G had been rejected by a girl had developed a bit of an interest in and he just wasn't handling it to well. He wasn't up to being alone, so when his flatmate had called it a night he hopped online and tried to find someone to hang out with. That person being me.


So we hung out on the couch and watched a few episodes of 'The Young Ones' and 'Bottoms' before, I am ashamed to admit, it came to light that I had never seen the cult favourite that is 'Pulp Fiction'. After that movie finished at around 3am, despite having had a few drinks, I headed home. Looking back, I was probably well over the legal limit and hen I passed a cop car as I was turning into my road, I nearly died. I was literally 3 houses from my place. But I was lucky and they didn't pay me any attention. It was probably The Barina that saved me, if I had been driving a Holden Commodore I probably wouldn't have been so lucky!


Fourth Update: Well, once again we are back to walking that familiar ground and discussing Mr Good-Company. I believe that last I spoke of him he had un-friended me and I was rather upset at losing his friendship. Because I'm just not to good at letting go at things, every now and then I sent him message on Facebook asking if we could be friends I of course received no reply. But then, I hadn't really expected one either.


A few weeks ago I logged onto the fetish chat site and saw that Mr Good-Company had commented on a picture of me. Or, to be more specifically, he commented on the bruises he had made which were evident in the photo. I wrote him a message asking 'Why comment on my pics if you never reply to anything else?' A few hours later I received a reply 'I get bored'. I can't exactly remember what my response was, but I mentioned that I would be attending the sex toy party and that 'I get bored too'. After another few hours I received a friend request from him. In case you're wondering, I accepted.


That was about two weeks ago now. We've had a couple of conversations since then. Nothing to heavy, nothing really more than a few words between casual acquaintances. Then, to my complete suprise the other night I found myself in the midst of an actual, lengthy conversation. Over a couple of hours we somehow worked our way from a detailed conversation about Doctor Who to our usual subject of sex, specifically sex toys.


Mr Good-Company said that I should go to Sexpo and added 'I'll take ya if ya want'. I said that it 'Could be fun' and left it at that. I had no idea if he was serious or not. I really was interested in going to Sexpo, but I also remember a certain someone say 'I'll take ya if ya want' in regards to taking me to visit the local sex shop. It never happened.


The next day I asked him if he had been serious with his offer and he said that he had been. I also asked if 'fun' would be involved and he said 'We'll see'. Though, if we did meet up, I really do hope fun would be involved. I haven't received any attention since I last met up with Mr Good Company.


At this point in time I have no expectations. As mentioned, he has said things of a similar nature before. I guess I will just see what happens closer to the date, when it becomes time to arrange things, eg. train tickets.


Fifth and most important update: It was my birthday the other day! I am now 22 years old. I celebrated by visiting my family, making myself a birthday cake in the shape of a pirate ship and having my Mother cook me one of our 'By request' birthday dinners. My absoloutly delisious dinner consisted of home grown rump steak (my parents are farmers, so this steak was 'home grown'), creamy bacon sauce, mashed potato, broad beans (my favourite), peas and buttered corn on the cob. My mouth is watering just thinking about it, thou that may also be because it is actually dinner time.


On that note, I must be off. I may not be having dinner cooked by Mum, but I'm sure I can scrounge up something equally yummy and perhaps slightly healthier than cookie dough...

Flaunt It Girls!

Several weeks ago now, I received a random Facebook invite form an old school friend to a 'Flaunt It Party'. Due to the fact that I had to work on this day, I thought nothing of it, not even bothering to enquire what a Flaunt It party was. Then the date changed, and I realised that I wasn't working on this particular date. So I got my Google on and found out what a Flaunt It party was.

It turns out that a Flaunt It Party is the same as a Tupperware party, only substitute the Tupperware for vibrators! My first thought upon reading this was 'Hell yeah!' I was definitely going to this.

Miss Brown, the friend who was holding the party, had been one of my best friends when we were at school together, but she moved away when we were year 11 and have only had very irregular contact since then. So to say I was surprised to receive an invite from her, especially to something so precisely in my current area of interest, would be an understatement.

Now Miss Brown lives several hours away from me in Ballarat, a town I am fairly unfamiliar with. So I dug out a map, borrowed a GPS from my sister and I was on my way!

We spent the afternoon together doing a few little errands, arranging things for the party and such before it was due to start at 7pm. It turns out that the woman running the party had lost her planner so had forgotten we were on for the night so the party didn't kick off until 8pm.

When she arrived she set up a table with some of the products she was selling. Rabbit vibrators, bullets, remote controlled vibes, lube, oral aids and lingerie.

She introduced herself and the range and began to talk about the products, passing them around the 12 of us in the circle. As she passed the toys around she told us about them, telling us to test the strength of the vibrations by holding them against our nose, which apparently has a similar sensitivity to that of the clitoris. For obvious reasons you cannot 'try before you buy' so to speak. Though, she did offer to let us all test an arousal balm, she would give us a bit in the palm of our hands and then we could go to the bathroom and rub some on our 'intimate areas'. But no-one, including myself took her up on the offer, not wanting to spend the rest of the evening with our legs crossed in a state of arousal.

After playing a few games one of which involved holding a piece of paper behind your back and tearing out the shape of a penis, it was time to fill out our order forms. I hadn't expected to be buying anything much, as from looking at the online catalogue, the products didn't seem to be off a good quality level. But I was surprised. I ended up buying a rabbit vibrator, a bullet and a cordless remote control vibe. None of which I could really afford, but hey, I was caught up in the moment. I do look forward to when my new toys arrive though.

During the party it was apparent that the woman hosting it (not my friend) was new to the business, though it is also highly possible that due to the last minuteness of it all she was just unprepared. I had a look at the website for the brand, and were it not for the fact that I can't afford to buy the demonstration kits, it is certainly something I would consider having a go at. I certainly know my sex toys after all. Give it a few years and you never know, I could be hosting a Flaunt It Party near you!

Click to here for more information about Flaunt It.

Be gentle!

Well, here it is, my first attempt at an erotic story. I've wanted to try this for sometime now and finally found the guts to do it. Please feel free to criticize and leave feedback. If there is something that would have worked better, tell me. It's the only way I'm ever going to improve. Enjoy.

James opens the door and enters the lounge room. He catches a whiff of cinnamon, the scent coming from Jess's cup of chai. As he breathes in the intoxicating scent he notices Jess herself, curled up on the couch asleep, wrapped in a blanket. She has been home sick for several days, better now but still in a lazy mood she has decided to stay home for just one more day. Just one more day of sleeping in and watching bad tv.

He can't help but smile as he sees her, all curled up and peaceful looking. James walks over and kisses the top of her head, breathing in the floral scent of her shampoo. Jess stirs and smiles up at him. Opening her eyes, she pulls him down on top of her into a massive hug.

Jess now struggles to sit up from under James's weight. He moves aside so that she is sitting curled up into his arm, the blanket still wrapped around her long legs. Unable to help himself, James pulls her in even closer and kisses her gently on the lips. He slowly slides his tongue into her mouth and feels her start to respond.

Jess pushes her mouth harder against James's and moves her tongue to match his. She can feel his hands begin to slide under her blanket, and James takes hold of her waist and pulls her onto his lap.

James pushes the blanket out of the way so that he can see his beautiful girl as she sits astride his lap. Jess's curvy figure is hidden by the oversized flannelette shirt she wears. James undoes the buttons, fumbling slightly on the first one and pushed the folds of the shirt aside.With the shirt now hanging from Jess's shoulders, he can see her heavy breasts and the curve of her belly. Kissing her exposed neck, James begins to feel himself grow hard.

Jess holds James's head as he begins to kiss her softly. As he moves along her collarbone, eventually finding her nipples she feels herself tremble slightly. As much as she enjoys the biting and teasing pain he sometimes inflicts, this tenderness James sometimes displays, makes her want him so much more.

As he continues to kiss her, moving back and forth between her mouth and nipples, Jess reaches down and unzips his pants. She holds his erection in her hands and slowly begins to play with the it. As she runs her fingers across his cock, feeling the pre-cum oozing from the tip, James gasps and kisses her harder, pressing his face into hers, holding her head in his hands.

James pulls Jess's body even closer to his, her nipples brushing up against his chest. He can feel her hands on his cock, feel her trembling as she strokes him. Just as he's thinking how much he wants this beautiful woman, he feels Jess begin to rub his cock against her pussy. She is wet. Very wet.

Jess lets out a short gasp as she slides his cock into her body. The warmth of him always shocks her and fills her up. This first moment, more so than the climax that is to come later, is her favourite part of sex.

As she begins to ride him, James holds her tight by the hips, helping support her as she moves, kissing the nipples that are so close to his face.

Jess can feel her clit rubbing against James's pelvic bone, causing her to let out small moans to match each movement of his cock inside her. She can hear James as well, his own small moans of pleasure exciting her even more.

She kisses him and as she does so she feels one of his hands leave her hips and begin to fondle her clit, creating even more of that wonderful friction than there was before.

After several moments of this Jess begins to feel her orgasm building. She can't concentrate on kissing James as she slowly begins to lose control.

As Jess begins to move faster James can feel how swollen her clit is, he knows that she's going to cum soon. Concentrating on the feel of her around his cock, James knows that it won't be all to soon before he cums as well.

Jess's moves faster and faster. Feeling James cock, feeling his hand on her hip and the other on her clit, she begins to climax. As her vaginal muscles tighten and release, she lets out a long moan and digs her fingernails deep into James's shoulders, relishing the moment.

James watches her cum. Her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth hanging open as she groans, her whole body trembling in arms. As she continues to move, riding her orgasm to completion, James feels his own climax. His balls start to tighten and he ejaculates deep inside of his girl, letting out a strangled moan as he does so.

Jess collapses against James's chest and he wraps his arms around her. Holding her tight against him, James kisses the top of her head. This sick day was definitely worth it.

It's the little things

It's funny how you come to miss people, even if things turned sour at the end.

Mr Good-Company moved (I think) a few days ago, but before that he cut off contact with me. I went to tell him a random Doctor Who fact via Facebook and discovered that he had unfriended me. He never replied when I asked why, so I deleted him from my contacts on the chat site. I didn't want to be deleted twice, as I'm sure my contact on the chat site would have been his next target. He never got his DVD back in the end. I meant to bring it with me that last time I visited but I forgot it. He didn't ask for it back before he left either. I guess I'll drop it off at an Op Shop. I don't want it.

Even though things didn't work out that we could be friends in the end, I still find that I miss him a bit. For all he insisted we were just fuck buddies, to me he was a friend, right up until the end really. It's the feeling of having that friendship that I miss as well as the little things from back when our arrangement was still working.

I miss seeing our facebook chats; 'Hey', 'How's life?', 'Getting any?' and my standard responses that followed. Generally always the same start to the convo. I miss having someone I can text saying 'I'm horny' and having him respond with something along the lines of 'Well we'd better do something about that then'. Or things like him always commenting on my constant shaking

I know we hadn't done things like that for months before it ended, but it's these fun moments, the little things, the companionship I sometimes had. These are the things that I miss.

This was all an absolutely massive thing for me. Not just the sexual things, but everything. It was a pretty massive crush I had on him in the beginning after all, though I'm not sure when it faded, I know it had long before things went bad.

I assume that it's only natural that it will take me a little while to move on from it all. But move on I shall. I'm young. Mr Good-Company will be the first of many. I am an optimist after all.

I Really am that Naive

So yesterday I asked Mr Good-Company to read my previous entry, telling him that when he had done that I had a question to ask him. He said he read it (I didn't believe him) but I asked my question anyway. 'Can we have sex once more before you leave?' His reply was 'maybe'. I was okay with that.

Tonight I asked him if he had an answer for me or if he was still thinking. He chose not to respond at all, ignoring me completely. Finally, after I lost my temper and sent some slightly abusive texts, he replied with 'fine then, no.' I don't know if this would have been his answer if I hadn't asked for a response so soon, but I did ask. I wouldn't have had a problem if he hadn't made a decision yet, I would have just left it that. Instead of telling me he hadn't made up his mind yet, or even 'no', Mr Good-Company took the cowards way out and chose to ignore me all together.

After out conversation the other night I was thinking that we could be friends. He apologised for after-all. Now, after being ignored tonight I feel instead that all he wanted from that conversation was a blow job. That hurts. A lot. I had thought that I couldn't be so gullible, so naive as to be used like that. Apparently I was wrong.

I wish I wasn't so quick to trust the words of people. I wish I could always assume the worse before it happens. Being used, that hurts. Knowing that if I weren't so gullible I probably could have prevented it from happening, well that hurts even more.

The End of my Beginning

I think, rather needless to say actually, that I was very angry when I last wrote. I asked for readers to back up my point of view. To make my anger justified. I am ever so thankfull, that a good many of you disagreed. I was provided with many different reasonings for Mr Good-Company's behaviour and just as many very honest opinions of my own behaviour. I think I needed to hear it, even if it didn't help my anger.


That was two weeks ago. I said my bit to Mr Good-Company and left it at that. I had no idea if we'd be able to remain friends or if it had all ended in bad spirits. I decided not to push things and simply not speak to him again. This went well for a week and a half until I accidently started an MSN chat with him (I had another person using the same name as Mr Good-Company). It wasn't sure what to do. I just said 'whoops, wrong (insert name)' and left it that, not expecting a reply. But Mr Good-Company did reply and a conversation flowed from there.


It felt awkward. There is no other word for it. I didn't know what to say I just tried my best to keep to 'safe' topics. I think I managed. I was still angry with him, coming to terms with the fact that I would not be recieving the goodbye I wanted. I was glad when that conversation ended.


Tonight I was once again online when Mr Good-Company started chatting to me. This completely blew my mind. I can probably count the number of times he's started a conversation with me on one hand and it was always because he wanted fun, but this time he was apparently just bored. The conversation was tense (at least on my end) but eventually it relaxed and we ended up talking about how things went wrong with our arrangment. Communication and different expectations were definitely the killer between us. I'm currently considering a fuck buddy arrangement with someone else. I have no intention of making the same mistakes, but more about that later.


Eventually the conversation returned to what seems to be our default topic, sex. By this time the conversation was flowing easily and we somehow ended up talking about eczema, soft hands and what said hands could do. Mr Good-Company suggested we should compare. I replied with 'Just putting it out there, but we could have some farewell fun. Your call.' He replied with 'Sure, why not' and we talked about not having expectations a little bit more. I then went over to his place.


I don't know if I'm imagining things, but it was rather intense. I don't feel like going into detail right now (maybe I'll add those bits later) but fuck! Mr Good-Company did a better job of eating me out than ever before. He has never made me come just from oral, there have always been fingers or toys involved. But this time, boy did he manage it! Whilst we're on the topic of oral, I do believe I gave the best blow job of my life in return.


I wanted to have sex as well, but it didn't happen. Surprisingly though, I feel that I can live with that. I am of course going to asked for just one more meeting before he moves away in a fortnights time. Farewell fun is pretty awesome, but I'm sure goodbye sex could more than match it.


As it is, I'm happy with this current ending. Even though I had managed to come to terms with not having the goodbye I wanted, I was still unhappy about it. Unhappy about the lack of goodbye and unhappy about the awkwardness that had come between us. Tonight I received more than my goodbye. Too say that I'm glad things are now ending on good terms would be a definite understatement. In fact, the only thing that could make this ending any better would be sex!

Eloquence does elude me

For fucks sake! Let me fill you in on a few of the finer details of the parting off me and Mr Good-Company. He ended it via Facebook chat and refused to answer the phone when I tried calling him. I still had a dvd of his and we agreed that I'd just put it in his mailbox. The end, but still be Facebook friends and such.

But that doesn't feel right. Too me, that isn't how you say goodbye to the person you had your first kiss with and lost your virginity too. Call me a soppy, sentimental fuck-wit if you like, but I feel the need for closure. I just want to say goodbye in person. But he won't let me.

 In all seriousness I really would not be at all dramatic. I honestly feel no romantic link to Mr Good-Company at all now, there is just the important fact that he was the one I lost my virginity too. I only want to say goodbye properly.

I don't know if it is only because of my inexperience that I want this. I will never see him again once he moves away in a months time so I really don't know what he's worried about. Goodbyes are just something that's important too me. I've moved around a lot and farewelled a lot of people, often forever.As for those I haven't said goodbye too, I do regret it. I so far regret nothing about my friendship with Mr Good-Company, but I know I will always regret not being able to say goodbye.

*If anyone reading this happens to agree with me on this, I would love it if you could comment. Mr Good-Company does have access to this blog and I would love it if all you wonderful readers could back me up on what a dick he's being about this. Thanks in advance!

Coffee and The Couch

I no longer require appointments with The Couch. A couple of days ago I had what was to be one of my last appointments with The Couch. Over my last several visits we have slowly been running out of things to talk about. I am happy with my life. The quirks that led me to first begin seeing the couch are now under control thanks to medication. Nothing more can really be done.

I have come to accept that the level of quirkiness/anxiety levels is at a very manageable level. Yes, I do sometimes lose it, but that's normal. Apparently my anxiety disorder isn't even defined as a disorder any more. The group of smarty pants people who decide such things apparently voted it out of  'crazy' and moved it down into just one 'one of those' personality quirks. It is no-longer considered something that can be 'fixed', but just a quirk that can be managed. I can deal with that.

On this same day I also had a coffee date. Several weeks earlier I has sent a guy (The Bartender)  on a chat site a contact request and he had messaged me back asking for my number. Figuring 'what the hell' I gave it to him. Following several weeks of trying to arrange a day to meet (neither of us seemed to be in town at the same time) we finally settled on Tuesday the 26th at the same cafe where I had met Mr 1984.

I arrived first. Waiting outside I was very nervous, as I always am with meeting new people. The Bartender and I had never even chatted online or had any contact other than the texts arranging the date. I knew nothing. He knew nothing.

When he arrived we ordered coffee's and found a seat in one of the booths. I was amazed at how relaxed I was once I sat down. My self confidence has grown so much in the past year that it still manages to leave me absolutely amazed.

We drank out coffee's, The Bartender commenting on my shaking hands (a side effect of my anxiety medication) which I explained away as 'my thing' with a story about needing to have my all my speech cards during high school on a key ring, so that when I eventually dropped them due to my shaking hands at least they would be easy to put back in order.

The Bartender and I chatted for about an hour before he had to leave for work. He is 26 years old and doing a Bachelor (?) of Public Relations (?) at Uni whilst bartending. He moved down here from Melbourne to go to Uni.

I will mention a rather odd thing happened during our meeting. About halfway through, a fellow diner came and asked for The Bartenders autograph, which he gave. When the other diner had left, I said to The Bartender 'Well I think you're going to have to explain that one.' Apparently the bartender is something of a local boxer. Since I forgot to ask his last name however I couldn't do any googling and find out if there is some truth to this or not. Someone at work suggested that this was an attempt to impress me. I have to say, if that was the case, it didn't exactly work that way. It just made it another odd thing to happen at this particular Cafe. The last time I had met an internet random there the staff apparently took a photo of us. Perhaps the combination of Jess Carlson + Internet Random + This Cafe = Weirdness. Maybe I'm jinxed.

The Couch suggested that having the prospect of this coffee date is one of the reason that I had no trouble moving on from Mr Good-Company. I must admit that I was thinking this as well. I'm of the opinion that the meeting went well. At this stage I think I'll be seeing him again, though my hopes are certainly not as soaring as they were when I first met Mr Good-Company. I learn my lessons. I do however remain hopeful. The Bartender is away for the next week or so visiting his family in Melbourne. As too what happens when he returns, I shall just have to wait and see.

Dear Readers,

Mr Good-Company and I have parted ways. He has found someone he can be more than 'fun friends' with. Our end came a month earlier than I expected so I have no trouble admitting it was a bit of shock. However, underneath that shock I feel relief. It's over. I can stop stressing and I can stop being jealous. I intend to use all the self-confidence our arrangement gave me and figure out who I am now (so to speak).

I'll write more when I know exactly what it is that I'm feeling and thinking. I just thought that I'd let you all know what has happened.

In blogging and friendship, Jess.